Preparing for Goodbye

In all honesty, I don't know how I will find the desire to write this week. It's our last week together. I might have to pick up writing again after they leave on Sunday. Perhaps not.

We feel that these kids are the most magnificent thing that has happened to our family. We cannot imagine life without them.

We are still waiting for their country to let us know they are available. 

I hate waiting.

They have endured worse, so we will wait... as long as we need to. Sunshine is not doing well with this leaving. We have to tear her arms off of us, constantly. She is even doing this with my mother, now.

She is constantly writing me to let me know that she doesn't want to go back to her country and how she wants to stay with us forever. She writes how much she loves us and how she never wants to go back. She is also writing notes to me about my singing... which is interesting. I guess I never knew how much I sing during the day. Apparently it is something she loves about me. This is why Ray brought the kids out to a race to hear me sing the National Anthem. They loved it! It was also a good opportunity to see Iceman jump around and do his crazy flips and one-handed cartwheels and hand stands.
  Speaking of Iceman... can I just tell you about this awesome kid? He is so smart, quick and funny. And, his heart! Oh, his heart. Without us knowing, he brought his $2 he got from the tooth fairy to church. He put $1 in the offering plate. What a sweet and generous young man he is!

Saturday night, we watched the Jesus Film in their language. Twenty-some years ago, I remember touring the headquarters of that movie. They were translating it into more languages than any other film on the planet. Who knew how much I'd appreciate that, years later? Sunshine had NEVER heard the story of Jesus. She cringed and put a pillow over her head when he was crucified. {It's a kid film, so it wasn't very graphic} She told us that she now knows about him and prayed the prayer at the end of the film. Iceman said he had heard of Jesus, but now knows more about Him. 

Yesterday Sunshine told me that the reason Iceman goes to a different school is because he is classified as "special" and "slow". That made me sad. Anyone that has met him can attest to the fact that he is not. "Slow" is not a word to describe him. He can catch a fish with his bare hands. He can figure out electronics and memorizes numbers so well. He reads a little slowly, but his math is good. In fact, if he is classified like that, I'm very glad my own son is not over there. He would be classified as something worse than that. 

The other day, Ray and I started watching a documentary about that very thing. It's easier to classify orphans as "special" and give them no hope in life. The orphans don't realize that they cannot go to college or go into the military because they are known as "special needs'. It's horrifying. After watching it, and hearing that our precious boy is classified as a "special" orphan who goes to a "special" school, we are more determined to get him to the US and give him a hope and future!

The countdown is on. We are sad. We need prayer. We need this adoption process to start pronto. 

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Translating the Tooth Fairy

I would never have thought about translating information regarding the Tooth Fairy. My host kids are 10 & 12. Also, I'm not too keen on made up creatures like the Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny. They both have always seemed a little odd to me. Perhaps if I had a daughter, I'd be ok with the fairy thing. Unfortunately, my little knowledge of fairies leads me to the belief that pixie dust and glittery wings aren't something I long for in my house. {Reason # 372 that I'm a mom of boys} And the Easter Bunny?  A gigantic man, dressed in a rabbit costume, bringing pastel, plastic eggs to your house? Um. Nope. I'm okay.

Don't judge. My boys have been plenty spoiled with American culture. Don't feel sorry for them.

So, when Iceman was at the dentist yesterday and was getting his "root tips" extracted, I didn't realized I'd be given them, packaged, for the Tooth Fairy. What are root tips? Iceman's baby teeth that rotted and were pushed to the roof of his mouth were yanked out yesterday. And 4 more will be pulled next week. Those are root tips. Apparently, the Tooth Fairy takes gray/black root tips and leaves money, too. {Speaking of which, I completely forgot what I did with that little box from last night and have a feeling it might have gotten washed with a pair of shorts. Oops}

The best part was translating this American Tooth Fairy information. Sunshine is a stronger reader, so I started typing out the Tooth Fairy protocol with her. Her face crinkled up with confusion. I asked her to tell her brother about what would be happening. She shook her head. I laughed. Was she scared of this Tooth Fairy creature? I asked her again if she understood. She said she did. I asked her to tell him. She reluctantly did. His face was confused, too. Of course, when he woke up with some dollar bills under his pillow, he was quick to run down stairs and share his excitement!

Iceman was the most incredible dental patient, by the way. He didn't have any pain and fell asleep while Dr. Brandon filled cavities and pulled out root tips. He's a rockstar! I love that boy so much!!

You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound. Psalm 4:7

Awe and Aw

We took the kids to SeaWorld yesterday. Someone asked if they were in awe. I told her they were. She said, "Aw!"

There have been a lot of awe and aw moments lately, so I thought I'd share some. Before that, I'll just add a tiny grammar lesson in case there is any confusion:
awe = a noun for the feeling of wonderment after seeing something spectacular. One can also be in awe if he or she is afraid of someone or respects someone greatly. As a verb it means to cause someone else to be in awe.
aw = an interjection used when someone thinks what they see is adorable. Some dictionaries list a variant spelling if aww, but this is vastly less popular than the one w spelling.

Okay. Here are some moments:

1. Awe moment - They discovered the little things you can talk into at playground structures. 

Aw moment - Iceman gasped and shouted at Sunshine to stop everything she was doing to go to the other one so he could have a conversation with her, like a telephone. A real conversation occurred!

2. Awe moment - Iceman encountered a water fountain for the first time. He jumped back when the water came out. 

Aw moment - It reminded me of the movie, "Encino Man". I giggled as I watched him repeatedly push the lever that made the water come out. It was like he could stay there for the entire day and just keep pushing it. He started a rhythm with both water fountains, as he watched the water jumping toward each other. So cute!

3. Awe moment - The kids experienced SeaWorld. This was a major one for me, as I got a season pass the year the park opened that didn't expire for 5 years. 100 is a conservative number of times I visited SeaWorld before I moved from San Antonio in 1992. I had every show memorized and knew every inch of that park. Oh, the stories I could tell! Unfortunately, I feel the show qualities have deteriorated since then, so I'm a tad cynical when I have to sit through the lamest sea lion show I could have imagined, while longing for the old "Spooky Kooky Castle" days. The documentary, Blackfish, didn't help, either. Nevertheless, I endured the low quality and the high Texas heat because my host children showed more exuberance than I could imagine even an American toddler showing!

Aw moment - They were on the edge of their seats. They didn't even understand the language, but they wanted to stand in line to meet all the performers. They begged for our phones to take videos of everything. We have never seen anything like it. I smiled more at SeaWorld that day than any other day I had been there. Let me tell you -- that's saying a lot. I met plenty of 80's actors there, back in the day, as well as jammed at incredible concerts like C+C Music Factory, Color Me Badd, and Tony Toni Tone. SeaWorld encounters with "George Jefferson" or the cast of Growing Pains ain't got nothin' on taking my favorite Eastern European orphans to experience Shamu!

There have been quite a few awe-inspiring moments. These kids get excited about so many things that are taken for granted here. It is absolutely precious. They are constantly smiling and expressing gratitude. We find ourselves saying "Aww" on a daily basis!

Let all the earth fear the Lord: let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him. Psalm 33:8

Sinking In

Yesterday it hit me.

It sunk in.

They're leaving us.

And I don't know how I will function when they do.

Every day holds happiness when they are here. Even with that happiness, I started crying... just watching the four kids wade in the river. How are we going to be able to do this?

Melancholy.

I'm listening to orphan songs and watching great videos like this:

I want that story for my kids. I want that story for my 5 adopted children.

My friend sent me this text yesterday: "You'll have to depend on Him. That's why God always gives us more than we can handle on our own. So we'll need Him to carry our burdens for us."

I desperately want their regional court to declare their decision on the parental rights. Right now, we're supposed to be checking back "every couple weeks". Every couple weeks without my children sounds gut wrenching. I'm praying that we can leap over that first hurdle now, if it's God's will. Thankfully, He knows more than I do. 

I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. Job 42:2

Learning English

It's not happening.
Well, maybe it is... at a snail's pace.

Tonight, my parents took us to dinner. As Iceman spoke to me in his own language and I spoke back to him in that language, I knew what was coming next. My mother. "Aren't they supposed to be learning English?" They are. We are trying. "Sounds to me like you're learning their language instead." 

I also have to parent, however. And to parent, I have to understand them to the best of my capabilities. I'm fairly decent at picking up new languages. What's kind of intriguing about their language is that only .014% of the world's population speaks it. It's like you and your kids having a secret language that no one knows! {but, man, I wish someone around here knew it. Life would be a little easier.} I'm probably not doing a great job at English instruction, since my husband is constantly looking at me to translate what they're saying. Really? C'mon. How do I know what they're saying? {Ok. I can kind of figure most of it out.}

Iceman is great at mimicking us. He's learning that way. Today, he said, "Zane, please, help." {it made this mama proud}

Sunshine, on the other hand, is diligent with her education. She likes learning in different ways. She has used apps, workbooks, flashcards, puzzles, Bananagrams, etc. It does seem to be coming a little slowly. But, really, how fast is it supposed to come? I have no idea.  She can understand more than she can say. It's coming.

Once this adoption ball starts rolling, I have faith that she will try her best to learn English while we are apart. Her foster mom speaks English. I have talked with her on the phone. 

As long as they know those important words that I love to hear... "I love you"; this heart is satisfied.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:8

No Glaucoma

I took the kids to the eye doctor today. Funny that you would have to worry about something like glaucoma at age 10 but since there is so much malnourishment, you never know. The first thing the doctor said was, "No glaucoma!" Actually, it isn't funny. thankfully, their eyes are fine. Yay!

Tomorrow will be the first of four more dental appointments for these precious kids.

It's hard to believe they'll be leaving soon. I don't quite know how I'm going to cope. My friend told me she'd cry with me. That was so sweet of her to say.
 
This is "so major" that I want to make sure my prayers are more prevalent than my tears. God's will be done!

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.  Romans 8:28

Exploring Six

It's Monday morning, which means it's time to call their foster mom and their chaperone. It's time for the emotions to feel like a blender is processing them throughout my belly. It's time for the emotional roller coaster of "will they" and "won't they". 

I'm hoping it's easier than last week was. I'm too tired to even write out the emotions I'm feeling right now.

We love these kids. We want the best for these kids.

I'll just add in some pictures from our weekend explorations. 

Our family of 6 had a great weekend. The lake was rising so rapidly that we had to be more creative than our normal swim in the watering hole (now filled with debris and fire-ant-covered sticks). We took a very nice, long boat ride on our little fishing boat that has a 550 pound limit (yeah...6 people... we hoped that 550 warning was a suggestion to help it go its fastest, and it was... thankfully.)

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Hope for the Hopeless... Rolls for the Roll-less

Fantastic news! We found a dentist who has done missionary work in Mexico, Guatemala and Haiti, and who was not "scared" of our host kids' mouths! He gave us hope today! And, he has a fun office where the kids got to play games as they waited.

The last dentist actually said to us (regarding Iceman), "At least he has hope."

That's not something you want to hear about your daughter... even if she's only your daughter for a summer. So, this new dentist was a breath of fresh air!

We will be able to get some of their major work done before they go back. He's even willing to come in on his days off to help us. So grateful!! Thanks for praying with us.

In other news... I think Sunshine gained a couple pounds, too! It might be because she has found recipe magazines around here and wants us to try them all! She has this thing for dinner rolls. She acts giddy when she sees pictures of dinner rolls. She LOVES them.

She writes her name on the picture and then hands it to me. It's pretty funny.

These kids are hilarious. They can make anyone smile. What a blessing they are!

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

Starting the Process

We have started the process to adopt. The adoption agency's lawyers are investigating the kids' situation with the local orphan court.

Who would have thought it'd be more exciting than scary? Love outweighs the risks.

We were talking to a dinner guest last night about the adoption process. He sat there, with big eyes (like most probably will). It sounds like a HUGE undertaking. 

I keep thinking that whenever my husband hears it, with all the logistics, he'll say, "Whoa. Let's step back here." Instead, he called his health insurance to see how much more money will be deducted from his paycheck for the 3 extra kids! {Guess what? Zero! WooHoo!} He is "all in".

We are all in.

Now that we are seeking to adopt, it's more important than ever to not mention which country they are from or their names. We are allowed to say Eastern Europe. Therefore, I can show you this chessboard.

I had talked about this in a previous blog post. In America, we don't hear much about Russia. It's serious. It was Ray's second concern (and only 2 have been voiced) behind needing a bigger car. He asked if he'd even be able to travel over there for the adoption process. Since he's in the military, there are a number of countries to which the DOD doesn't want our service members to travel. I never thought about adding that to our prayer list, but we'll take prayer for peace over in Eastern Europe.

Putin has made plenty of threats to the countries over there. Obama has made threats to Putin. Our adorable host children are in the middle of all that. I mean, I don't know if they understand it. {hopefully not}

Have I mentioned how fast we want this adoption to be complete? It will take some miracles. Thankfully, I believe in a God of miracles!

 
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

A fire extinguisher.

Well, that's what Iceman's translated words said. He wants to be a fire extinguisher when he grows up. It was easy to figure out what he was saying. I showed him a picture of a firefighter, and he confirmed that is what he wants to be.

Last night, during our family reading time, I asked each of them what they wanted to be when they grew up.

An artist.

Sunshine wants to be an artist. That one took quite a while to figure out because I guess there are many words in their language for that.This is her latest picture. Ray enjoyed this one a little more, because he looked like a small boy, next to a big faced lady. {for the record, Sunshine has seen my hair... not in a pony tail... only on the first day I met her. There was no flower. And, she has definitely never seen me in a dress. I'm just trying to function, daily, with 4 kids. Ain't got no time for hair and dresses. haha}

And my boys' answers?
Well, Z wants to "travel the world, helping people". Then he said, "What's that called?" {sweet kid}

And J? Well... this answer made me laugh out loud. Previously, he had wanted to be a missionary. But now?
"I want to be one of those guys who stands on the top of a ladder at a wall and use a bow and arrow to shoot people coming towards me." Wait. What? Are we in Medieval times? 

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17

Pray.Pray.Pray.

Stop reading this post.
Please stop reading this post and pray... right now.

Pray for these kids who have completely stolen our hearts. 

Please pray for their current health and their future.

The past 3 days have been very emotional. From the high of my husband telling me he wants to adopt 3 more kids{and that we'll do everything possible to make that happen!} to the low, low, low of finding out more about these kids. We found out their living situation in Eastern Europe. By living situation, I mean we found out about their foster mom and house logistics. It is disheartening. My stomach was in pain yesterday, as more came to light about their situation. These poor kids. These incredibly precious kids that we want to parent forever!

Today I took them to the dentist and received more bad news. I couldn't stop my eyes from watering as he told me their situation. We knew there would be issues, due to the insane overcrowding in their mouth. The way he explained it was like this: His kids (he has 2 kids their exact same ages] cry about having a splinter stuck in them. These orphans have experienced pain. A lot of this tooth stuff happened as they were older and the body didn't absorb it. He said they have been filled with infection and pain for years. He said it's like stabbing your leg with a knife and leaving the blade in there, infected, for years. 

He had glassy eyes when he talked about Sunshine. He's never seen a situation as horrifying as hers. He said that she will be in dentures by the time she's 17. He was shocked at both of their malnourishment. She has a large mass, that he won't claim as cancer, but it needs to be looked at. She has abscesses that must be taken out. One has to be removed within 6 months.

What can we do? We only have them for 3 1/2 more weeks. I have sought approval through the agency to rush some of this work, but the dentist has too much fear of malpractice since we don't no anything about their medical history. He doesn't want to experience an allergy, which requires epinephrin, if it will stop their heart. I understand his concern. This is a huge hurdle we'll need to get over so we can get her immediate help! Please pray for that miracle.

And Iceman? The dentist says he has hope. He explained the past pain he had to have endured, but that once they can remove some old root tips, and fill a few teeth, he has hope.

Our children. They are ours... at least right now. They are definitely our children in our hearts. 

Our hurdles? 

• Having some dental work completed, pronto... with all the necessary paperwork.
• Their parents' rights to be terminated. They don't have relationships with them. They have not been with them for years.
• Them choosing to live in America, and be adopted by us.
• Our peace, while knowing what their conditions are on the other side of the world
• The long, emotional process of international adoption, including spending a significant amount of time in that country
• My husband's job - he'd have to take a lot of leave for this
• Non-support - sometimes people can't understand why we'd do something like adopting 5 kids and they can say hurtful things
• Money - of course {but there's no price tag on them. Money won't stop us from doing anything -within our power- to get them here.}

Pray.

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 1 John 5:14

Obligatory 4th of July Photos

We took some wonderful family photos yesterday. I'm excited that we will all have many memories from this summer. Sunshine loved driving the boat. Iceman caught a fish with his hands! And the fish was bigger than his hand. 

Unfortunately, I cannot post any of THOSE photos {or some lovely family photos} out here in the Interwebs.


So... I'll just post some more obscure photos, so you won't be able to pick these kids in a lineup. 

This one is kind of funny. Our Kogi pup does the "Great Dane sit" on anyone he can find. Unfortunately, Sunshine was petting Crockett and Kogi backed up to sit on her while she was down there. 

 

How Am I Doing?

How am I doing?

I’m asked that a lot.

I don’t think that I “look” like I’m doing okay. It reminds me of the time after my 2^nd child was born. It was about 2 weeks after his birth and I was dropping something off at a friend’s house. While I was there, another friend asked me, “Have you been exercising?” {I was in an old t-shirt, with my hair unwashed, huffing and puffing… and no makeup.} I replied, “No. This is what 2 kids looks like!” None of the friends at her house had experienced 2 kids yet. In all actuality, it was only the first few weeks that were crazy. I’m sure it had to do with having a 5 ½ lb baby who projectile vomited regularly and a 3 year old who wasn’t fond of him yet.

Fast forward to yesterday. I had to deliver a business order and buy groceries. I took 4 kids. The cashier at Trader Joe’s was enamored by my hosting story, continually asking me questions. About 3 minutes in, you could tell he wasn’t enamored anymore. Iceman kept saying “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” pointing at everything. The cashier made a few low comments about how exhausting this experience must be. In all fairness, it was these kids’ first experience in an American store and they wanted EVERYTHING. Okay. Iceman wanted everything. And he was vocal about it. But, how can you take two skinny orphans to a store and not want to buy them their hearts’ desire? He made some comments to me about not knowing how I could do this and that I’m a better person than he is. Then, he let them take numerous items from the treasure box, instead of just the one.

Then there was today. We went to a firework stand. Before getting out of the car, I told them they needed to be quieter. They were. They were good, but there was no way to communicate with them. The man behind the counter kept asking me what they wanted. I hadn’t a clue. I never do. Unless they can literally put their finger on something, I don’t know what they want. He asked me a few questions about them, then snuck me a few boxes of free fireworks in my bag as I left. We’re not talking about the buy-one-get-one-free items, but some pretty flowers and stuff he thought Sunshine might like (you know, my well-behaved child).

Do these people feel sorry for me? Do they genuinely want to help and figure the best way is to at least “throw us a bone” with some free items? Do I look like as scary as I did that 2^nd week after my youngest was born?

Who knows? I know that I am suppressing some unknown emotions right now. The way my clothes are fitting is confirming that. I don’t know all the emotions I am feeling right now, but for some reason I keep grabbing that ice cream scoop. Is it all the unknown in this? I don’t truly know where these kids came from. I don’t know what they expect from us. I don’t know what it’s going to be like when they go home.

I want to be as candid as possible about this experience.

The last couple days, I have been tired. I have been sooooo tired. 

It’s my fault, as I had booked a 252 baseball cakeball groom’s order about 6 months ago and it snuck up on me. On Wednesday afternoon, I attempted to work from home with the four kids. It wasn’t great. It was then that my sons decided that Iceman is not very nice. Iceman does have a little temper, but I’ll mention more about that down below.

I thought this might be a place to write my perception of each member of our family of 6.

Let’s start with dad.

My husband has been unbelievable. In fact, in my eyes, he has become “super dad”. He is so loving, patient and kind with these kids. He seems like he truly loves to be around them. He is hugging them and making them smile. He is doing puzzles with them and teaching them. He is incredible. 

My oldest child is confused. Why does he get in trouble, but Iceman doesn’t? Well, he knows right from wrong, and Iceman doesn’t seem to… or Iceman’s pushing boundaries. How come he has to behave at all times or else he is punished? Also, for being my oldest, he hasn’t been as helpful as I’d anticipated. If I ask him to do something directly for our host kids, he gets easily sidetracked. He has become poutier than ever in his life. I don’t know if this is due to his age or if this is because of our guests. Let’s be real… it’s just Iceman. Iceman makes us laugh, so J tries to mimic him. But J doesn’t know how annoying he sounds so we ask him to stop. He feels like we don’t enjoy him, but laugh at Iceman. Ahh… trying to balance all the emotions for 4 kids. Have I mentioned how tired I am?

Iceman is just like someone I’ve met before. He is that European or even Middle Eastern gypsy/street kid. He is the boy who is always hanging on me, attempting to charm me to get his way. It’s not in a nasty way. It’s in a similar way to all the kids I’ve experienced on the streets in South America, Europe or Israel. He’s adorable, like they are. He makes you laugh. He is sweet. I’ve experienced many “Icemen” at the orphanages I’ve visited in various countries. He’s the one that’s jumping up and down when the missionaries arrive and the first to greet everyone. 

However, Iceman is hurting. You can see it. He has yanked things out of my boys’ hands and hit them. It hasn’t been major… it has just been like a “toddler”. It is just like we were taught in our training. Bringing orphans over here can be like having toddlers in your house. Oh, and I had mentioned one of his translated words sounding just like a curse word in our country in another blog post. Well, about ¼ of the time, that word means “here” and ¾ of the time, he is cussing. I came to this realization last night when he was using my SayHi app and trying to say all the English words he knew. It only knows English, so he said G*4 D@7# {I’m not going to write it out, but he said two words that have never come out of my mouth in over 40 years} and showed me it, laughing. My face turned white. When I look back, I don’t know why the blood rushed out of my face. These kids don’t have the same belief system as we do. How would I expect them to have the same morals and language as we do? I talked with him about what God means to our family and that we don’t use His name that way.

After that moment, it was like I had a radar. He cusses A LOT. A WHOLE LOT. His curse words are said with an accent, so they’re harder to hear. Now that I know his accent, I hear them. I don’t like them. I have told him that I don’t like them. I have told them that we like to use kind language around our house. Sunshine gets very mad at him when he says them. I believe it’s something that can change because he’s very receptive to my stern voice. He’s very loving and he really beams joy around the house. There are just these few little things that we’re having issues with. All in all, he’s still wonderful and fun.

And what about Sunshine? Sunshine is the sweetest little creature I have had the pleasure of loving. She is so shy. She’s more shy than I have ever experienced. She wants to show us all that she has drawn or created, but won’t look at us when she does. She will turn her head in the opposite direction, just so she won’t see our reactions. She covers her face with her hands if you’re talking directly to her. She’ll bury her head if you want to have a conversation with her. She is extremely modest. The mentor FB page with all the other host parents shares story after story of their host girls wanting stiletto heels, bikinis and slutty clothing. My 12 year old wants a rash guard and swim skirt. Where these other 11 year old host girls want makeup and their hair done, she has no desire. She doesn’t want me to even put lotion on her sunburned, peeling skin.  She is very fun and playful and she has a beautiful smile. She also likes to help me sweep! 

I’m worried about her, however. She breathes heavily. My doctor friend, Vanessa told me that it’s probably due to enlarged tonsils and adenoids. She said that malnourished, skinny kids often have that problem and that she would probably feel so much better after she had them out. I’m sure that won’t be happening in her current situation in Eastern Europe. That makes me sad. She is a dream kid. She is a lovely addition to our family.

Our youngest also loves Sunshine. She is a great "big sister" to him. If he is hurt, she's the first one to console him. They are both quieter and enjoy the same things. The thing that I have noticed about Z is that he doesn’t like sharing with the host kids. This makes me upset. He said that Iceman had his lego the other day. “Mom, what if he steals it?! What if he takes it back home with him?” I said, “Then you tell your grandparents, who give you everything you’ve ever wanted in life, and you’ll have a new lego in 30 minutes.” 
Seriously?! That is one thing that Ray and I have agreed on: Our kids are SELFISH! I know. I know. I shouldn’t judge them like adults, but c’mon. I feel the assessment is simple –

You and your brother have everything you need.

These other children don’t. 

Just looking at them is evidence of that. You can tell by the rotting teeth and boney bodies that they haven’t been taken care of. You can tell by the way that they act, that they have to take care of each other because there’s no one really there for them.

Lastly, there’s me. What are my thoughts? How am I doing? I feel like I’ve already written it out above. I wish my husband didn’t have to work as many hours and could be with them more. He’s such a good dad to them. I wish my kids would behave more and cherish this very limited time we have with our host children. I wish I had more energy so my patience level wasn’t so thin, at times. I wish Iceman would stop cussing… and whining… and lying about brushing his teeth. {How many times do I have to show him how I touch his bristles to see if they are wet?} I wish Sunshine wouldn’t try so hard to be perfect. You can tell she’s trying her best {I believe} so that we will adopt them. She has drawn pictures about it and has said a few things about wanting to stay forever. She gets so mad at Iceman when he behaves poorly because it’s like “he’s ruining her plan.” 

Throughout all of this, I’d say things are good.  We are a week in and we are all still smiling. That has to mean something!


My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26