"Risk-Free" Discipline

When Jared was little, we went through various discipline techniques as, I'm sure, most parents do. There were a number of them that didn't work. Right now, we find that taking away a favorite toy will most likely result in desired behavior. I've never really thought of him as "undisciplined" or "unruly". He obeys when asked, however, sometimes it will take a couple times. He doesn't scream or have tantrums if he doesn't get what he wants. Lately, he has been getting emotional and quietly crying about it, though.

So, when Dr. Champagne recommended a discipline program for our son, I was confused.  I thought, "What? I've watched him obey you!" and "He doesn't talk back to you" and "Here! Look! See how he obeys, the first time?" I thought, "Surely you can just tell us which technique, out of the ones we've all heard, works best for kids with this particular disability." I later realized that she meant a different kind of discipline.

Today we ordered Dr. Lehman's Total Transformation program. Sounds like an infomercial, right? I think that. And, I'm not really convinced yet, either. The tag line says, "Are you struggling with a child who is disrespectful, defiant, obnoxious, or even abusive toward you?" The marketing states things like "How to get your kid to behave" and "Stop your child's lying" and "How to stop kids from stealing from parents". Umm... I don't think of Jared when I hear these things. So, I dug a little deeper. I never classified self esteem, social anxiety and motivation under behavior problems. I didn't know that parents had a discipline program for self esteem! Kind of seems mean, right? Maybe I'm just hung up on the words. Who knows? I sure don't. But, Dr. C. thinks this will help us parent Jared away from sabotage and avoidance and into stamina and efficiency. I hope this risk-free "best selling child behavior program" works!

Train up a child in the way he should go.  Even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 (NASB)

Sleepless Tears

It's 4 in the morning. I haven't slept much. There are a lot of people counting on me, and my musical ability, in a few hours. It's a big morning, with some special songs and my voice needs to be "on". So, i laid in bed... all night long... trying not to cry for the mere reason of not letting people down at church. Crying doesn't help a vocalist who needs to hit the perfect notes. Unfortunately, I just lost the battle of the tears.

How do I not cry when I think about my son's future? We're not even 20% finished with his testing and his future already looks grim. All I could think about was that he probably won't be able to stay at his school. There's no way he could keep up with their program. So, do I put him in public school? At least in his current school there is a zero tolerance for bullying and the focus is Christian character. I've seen "Lucas", "The Karate Kid", "Mean Girls"... even "Back to the Future" had Biff, the bully. Kids can be cruel to other kids who are different. I lived in Denver during the Columbine massacre. So, what's my other option? Home schooling? I have to say, "Is that a joke, God?" Just doing school work every day with him is hard for me. I'm the kid who hated school, hardly studied, didn't do much more than was asked, and still finished high school and college with A's. There was a reason I graduated college at 21 - I wanted to never have to write a paper or take a test again! I wanted to get out of there!! I guess now is the time to thank my parents and their uber intelligent genes I received.

I laid in bed and thought of all these Bible verses about hope and giving your burdens to God. I actually held an imaginary box in my arms and physically lifted it up, hoping God would grant me some peace and I could close my eyes. My racing mind took over. What about Zane? Is he okay? He seems fine, but you never really know. Is Zane going to have a childhood like mine where all the emphasis and attention is spent on the "sick" kid? My mom always said, "You don't understand what it's like to have a child who may die any day!" So, I grew up in the background of my "special needs" older brother... unattached from the rest of my family... never feeling like I fit. My response to mom was always the same - my children will never feel like one is more important than the other. And, yet, here I sit... with possibly 1 hour of sleep the night before Zane's big birthday party. I haven't cleaned the house. I haven't put together goodie bags. I don't even know if he has clean clothes to wear to his own party. And my tears continue to fall for his brother.

When Jared was born, his birthmother decided to change her mind on the second day. She was considering keeping him or even eluded to selling him to us for $50,000 instead of the adoption that had been discussed. I will never forget that sorrowful night and not knowing if we could pick up our son from the hospital the next morning. My comfort was in God, and a song called "Your Faithfulness". When we brought Jared home, I sang the song over him every single night for years. A couple years ago, when I was leading worship, I introduced the song to the congregation and told my story of Jared's birth. People asked me for copies of the lyrics, as the words can resonate in one's soul.

The songwriter, Brian Doerksen, wrote the song just before his special needs child, Isaiah, was born. Isaiah is 11 years old now, and still wears a diaper and doesn't speak. Little did I know how much Brian's testimony and song would mean so much more, 6 years later.

I don’t know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing or filled with longed for things
I don’t know what tomorrow holds
Still I know, I can trust your faithfulness

I don’t know if these clouds mean rain
If they do will they pour down blessing or pain

I don’t know what the future holds

Still I know, I can trust your faithfulness

Certain as the rivers reach the sea

certain as the sunrise in the east

I can rest in Your faithfulness

Surer than a mother’s tender love

surer than the stars still shine above

I can rest in Your faithfulness

 I don’t know how or when I’ll die

Will it be a thief or will I have a chance to say good-bye

I don’t know how much time is left

In the end, I will know your faithfulness

When darkness overwhelms my soul
When thoughts are storms of doubt
Still I trust You are always faithful, always faithful

Sabotage

Today Ray took Jared to see Dr. Champagne because I needed to clean and make a cake for Zane's birthday party tomorrow. It was very hard for me to not go, as I usually have tons of questions and want to know specifics with everything discussed. But, since Ray can't really make or decorate a cake, he went... along with a recording device. The appointment was at 2pm and they didn't come home until 6:30pm! I definitely felt like I missed some quality question and answer time, but I'll go with him to his next appointment on Thursday.

Ray brought home a preliminary report for the first few tests Dr. C. administered. It looked like a foreign language to me, but Ray had an 8 minute recording of her going through it. That's all I got from today. 8 minutes... and not a single second of that was good news.  My heart aches tonight.

Here are some things that were mentioned:

• His ability to use words is classified in the "severe" range.
• His hands don’t work fast enough to get what he hears on paper. Also, if he sees it, he can’t put it on paper quick enough. That creates frustration.
• He doesn’t have enough memory to speak with words and process memory.  
• Regarding holding information - long term - he's significantly weak. It's not important to him, so he feels no reason to hold it.
• He is random and has trouble sequencing.
• He is right brained.
• Regarding looking at something and breaking it into parts, he's weak.
• He couldn’t see what was missing in a picture.
• He can't put enough numbers in sequence, therefore he can't have healthy reading (don't quite understand that one)
• He miscounts in arithmetic.
• He was fatigued and didn’t want to complete.
• He hates paper processing. This is cognitive ability.
• He’s stronger but he doesn’t have stamina to show what he knows. He just wants to play.
• There is a definite learning disability in processing. He doesn’t have memory to run things. His auditory is struggling because his memory isn’t strong enough to run it.
• He has strong verbal, but his hand doesn’t process. He struggles with seeing it and reproducing it on paper.

She recommended  Dr. James Lehman’s Cognitive Behavior Program so that Jared can take more ownership and do more. He’s capable, but he’s avoiding. When he doesn’t want to do something, he avoids. He sabotages it so he can get out of it. It’s a mechanism he uses and it’s working for him... but it’s not effective. With this program, we would work our way through the computer program and make notes and turn in the notes. If you do the notes, it's free, verses the standard $700. We will learn consequences and change our parenting style so it makes him take more ownership. It helps him to understand his boundaries and be more socially aware of what’s acceptable, instead of pushing boundaries to protect him in a regular setting.

My mind is swimming. I keep thinking, "Maybe he was too tired after the soccer match" or "Maybe he'd be better at these tests, if we reduced the time." It probably doesn't matter, because it sounds like Jared has the sabotage thing down. That's the underlying theme Dr. C. keeps using. My poor little boy has already discovered what mechanism he feels he needs to conquer this harsh world.

If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath.  Psalm 34:18 (The Message)

To Play or Not to Play?

Today was Jared's first soccer game. Now that I know he truly has a disability, I believe I've changed my entire outlook on things. I saw the other team practicing and I thought, "Uh oh. Maybe soccer isn't for him. These guys are really big and good! Maybe we should just do swimming. He's great at swimming." I was stressed, wondering if he should play or if he'll be too frustrated when he doesn't understand things. And now that I know his hemispheres don't communicate, I pictured him doing weird things and tripping over his feet. I even told the coach, "Please make sure you point out which way to shoot the ball." I haven't had thoughts like that before. I guess things change when you hear how much your son is lacking in so many areas.

Well, who scored the first goal of the game? JARED! Did I mention how big and tough the other team was? Oh my, was I proud! And, guess what? He scored a second goal. None of the other 10 kids on either team scored two. Mama needs to chill.

Here he is with his new soccer buddy, Auggie.

In you, Lord my God, I put my trust. Psalm 21:5 (NIV)

The First Three Hours

I don't even know where to begin. Today was mind-blowing! We were only there for three hours and I think my mind had about 100 "oh's" and "ah's". Dr. Champagne knows her stuff. The next few weeks hold 15-25 hours of testing before her assessment. It's a huge financial and time sacrifice, but after today, I know it's worth it.

 One wild thing that happened today was I discovered that Jared's right and left hemispheres don't communicate. I mentioned to Dr. C. that we can't really figure out if Jared is right or left handed. At the beginning of his life, we thought he was left handed. In preschool-3, the teacher thought he was left dominant. Then, in preschool-4, the teacher decided to teach him to write with his right hand. However, if something happens to his right hand (i.e. fire ant bites), he keeps writing with his left. I just figured he was ambidextrious, but Dr. C. actually brought the neurological aspect out. If his body is neither dominant, it can be very confusing. And guess what? She did a test and I watched and was blown out of the water. My son won't cross his body... for anything! "Jared, use your right hand to touch your left shoulder." He won't or can't. He can touch his left shoulder or he can use his right hand to touch his right shoulder. He doesn't cross a line down the center of his body.... not the knee or the elbow or anything! It suddenly made sense as to why he can't write X's normally. He uses 4 separate lines to make an X and he sometimes stops mid letter or number and picks up his pencil to continue a line. Bizarre.

Another thing that was confirmed was that Jared is not good at sequences. He thinks randomly, verses sequential. This was confirmed over and over again. The only way he knows his numbers and letters is because he can recall them from memory. This is why he also seems dyslexic. He just jumbles words and letters around. And you know what happens when he does that? Avoidance. That is his coping mechanism. That came up multiple times today. When things became too hard, he would negotiate with her or avoid it all together. She said he has learned that because he doesn't want to feel inadequate.

There was actually so much mentioned that I can't even think of all of it all right now. It's been a long day. Dr. C. did wonder if Jared's birthmother did drugs when she was pregnant with him. His birthmother told us she didn't, and I do believe her. I don't quite understand where Jared's neurological issues originated, though. Today, they were evident. I guess that's the whole point. She was able to do about 3 tests of the 36 tests that she must do before she presents her report.

He has another 3 hours of tests scheduled for Saturday and 3 1/2 hours scheduled for next Thursday. Please pray for us.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Phillipians 4:6

At Shampoo's Office

I’m sitting in Dr. Champagne’s office and I’m blown away. Wow! What a blessing from God! Immediately, Jared loved her. She is a very nice, older widow. She has a little, smart dog and Dr. C. (that’s what she’s called, although Jared calls her “Shampoo”) has taught the dog language. I watched her explain to Jared the language that the dog knows and he was mesmerized.

As I took a tour of her office, there were so many resources! She has tons of books and binders all over. She’s traveled throughout Europe and has games and strategies from there that help children. Since I have found that England seems to be ahead of the US with APD research, I asked her if she felt that Europe was more advanced with neurological disorders. She said, “definitely”. She also said that she can start evaluating children at 2-3 years old. All the “experts” here in America say that the diagnosis begins at age 7. She said that’s because most people don’t know what to do with the kids once they are diagnosed. That makes sense to me. The county school district has never even heard of APD and my friend, Lisa, spent hundreds of dollars on the APD diagnosis last Friday and the doctor doesn’t do any follow-up or therapy after the test. I’m really feeling at peace about this decision!

She’s doing a bunch of tests with him right now. I hear a timer. I can’t wait to hear what I find out. I’ll write more later.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ. Ephesians 1: 3 (NKJV)

Feelin' February

Everyone knows that February is the shortest month of the year. For me, February is definitely a month of memories. We were married in February and both of our boys were born in February. It has held some joyous occasions, however it has also held so many tears throughout the years.

A day I will never forget is February 24th. On that date, years ago, I lost a beloved friend. I will never forget hearing the news and running out into the snow, falling face down and weeping. I had to be picked up off the ground, for fear of frostbite. For a few years after that, I couldn't meet a February 24th without tears. In fact, a few years ago, I decided to sponsor a child from Worldvision whose birthday was on that day. Silas is from Kenya, and now I celebrate him on that date. It's usually a day for prayer... praying for Silas, as well as my friend's family who lost their son years ago. Tomorrow, I will also add prayers for Jared and these APD tests.

Last February, when Ray was in Iraq, our beautiful dog, Dulce, died. We definitely didn't see it coming and it almost seems bizarre that it happened in February. The reason I find it odd is because the best dog who ever roamed this earth, Zuca, died in February 2008. I've never had a friend and confidant quite like Zuca. I can't imagine ever knowing another dog as perfect as he. Like the old quote goes, "Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." If there had been snow, the fear of frostbite would have been severe. I could have fallen on the ground and not gotten up for some time. Maybe God knew that, because my baby was born 36 hours after Zuca was laid to rest.

Our family was established in 2003 and every birth and death has occurred between these 28 days. February is a very busy month for our family, but melancholy moments do sneak in. This is one of those moments.

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1:4 (NLT)

10 Questions About APD

Recently, I've been talking with more people regarding Jared's APD. Since I'm getting a number of questions, I thought I'd share a good Q&A I found regarding the disorder. The questions are from Jo Frost (Supernanny) and the answers are from Lois K. Heymann (MA, CCC-SLP), author of The Sound of Hope. 

1: What is APD and how is it different from ADD, ADHD, etc?
LOIS: APD (sometimes identified as CAPD) stands for Auditory Processing Disorder. To understand what an APD is, it's important to remember that sorting out and using the sounds we hear with our ears and engaging with the world by listening is accomplished primarily in the brain. An APD affects the transfer of sound information within the brain not the ability to hear with our ears. A person with an APD may be physically able to hear, but as sound moves from the outer and inner ear into the brain to be identified, understood, and transformed into useful information, along the way the message gets confused, garbled or distorted. When the language and speech centers within the brain repeatedly receive unclear or distorted messages because of an APD, the act of listening, the use of language, learning, and social interactions can all become extremely difficult.

The major difference between APD and ADD, ADHD, PDD and some of the more commonly diagnosed disorders that your readers are likely familiar with is that APD solely effects the transfer of sound information within the brain and diagnosis and treatment focus specifically on how the brain listens. It gets confusing, though, because an APD can stand-alone or co-exist with other disorders and difficulties like ADD, etc. The behavioral symptoms of these varied conditions can also appear quite similar to one another. As I said, APD primarily affects the language-oriented parts of learning and communication. But since so much of healthy development, effective education, and positive social interaction depends on communicating and listening, a child with APD can become extremely isolated and frustrated as they try to successfully interact in an ever-expanding world of words and sounds.

Children with APD struggle in classroom situations and at home and can appear to act out or tune out when dealing with parents, teachers, and other children. Impulsive, inattentive, or aggravated behavior in a child with APD is usually not the direct result of hyperactivity or attention deficit, it's an expression of feelings of confusion, frustration and failure coming from a perfectly intelligent growing person who is repeatedly not understanding and not being understood. Also, ADD and ADHD may respond to medication while APD does not.

2: What kind of testing would a child need to undergo to determine they have APD?/ How early can it be recognized?
LOIS: Testing for APD involves evaluating auditory processing – the ability to transfer and translate sound into information within their brain – and determining if and to what extent an APD handicaps or restrict an individual child's ability to communicate, learn, and deal with emotions. That's a lot to consider. A full APD assessment involves testing, interviews, and a process of elimination that looks at several different areas of an individual child's life.

First, an Audiologist tests the child for hearing loss – problems with the physical act of hearing, rather than the processing of sound within the brain. Once hearing loss is ruled out, a Speech-Language Pathologist like myself works with the Audiologist and explores whether a child may have an APD by looking at the way the child uses speech, language and listening skills through audiological (APD) and speech and language testing. Getting a complete picture also involves parents and teachers filling out a checklist questionnaire detailing aspects of the child's behavior in school and at home. Additional information from psychological and educational tests helps distinguish APD from other diagnoses such as AD/HD and PDD.

It's a lot of information requiring a collaboration between the Audiologist and the Speech-Language Pathologist and input from several specialists including the most important and unfortunately sometimes overlooked child specialist – the parent. But, once that detailed diagnosis is complete, appropriate interventions and therapies best suited to an individual child can begin immediately.

Because so much happens physically and developmentally in the first half decade of a child's life and children grow and mature at different rates through those years, a conclusive diagnosis of Auditory Processing Disorder cannot be made until a child is around seven years old. APD screening by the Audiologist and the Speech-Language Pathologist looks at listening behavior and communication skills. Testing these abilities in children under six just doesn't yield definitive and reliable enough results to form a complete APD diagnosis. Nevertheless, if a parent suspects their 6 and under child is struggling with listening and comprehension, testing by a Speech-Language Pathologist can help suggest intervention strategies to build listening and language skills before a precise APD diagnosis gets made. If you feel that your child is challenged by listening at any age, have him or her evaluated by a Speech-Language Pathologist. The developmental path from hearing to listening to effectively understanding and using language begins at birth and early intervention is very important if any listening or hearing roadblocks develop as a child grows from infant to toddler to pre-teen and beyond.

3: Is this a disorder that can be "cured" or will a child outgrow it or is it lifelong?
LOIS: The bad news about APD is that there is no cure. The good news is that once an APD is appropriately and accurately diagnosed it will usually respond well, even dramatically, to treatment. Targeted intervention using strategies for helping the APD child learn to listen and understand language to the best of their ability can work wonders. After an APD diagnosis is made a Speech-Language Pathologist formulates specific intervention goals and strategies tailored to specific listening and language weaknesses and difficulties identified during testing and evaluation. Once we know a child's individual problem areas and deficiencies in processing auditory information, we can map out a plan to address and minimize the impact those deficiencies have at school, at home and at play.

A child with an APD needs to "build their listening muscles." Since listening and using language is something children do in every part of their lives, parents, teachers and the therapist share the responsibility for helping a child to strengthen those listening skills. Specific accommodations and changes to the child's school and home environment are also part of most APD intervention plans as is yearly follow-up testing by an audiologist.

4: How does one explain APD to the child diagnosed? (Say for a child in the 7-11 age range)
LOIS: Like any serious conversation you have with a child, explaining an APD diagnosis requires that you be honest and give a clear and simple description that's appropriate to your child's age and experience. A parent might begin with "Tommy, you know how when the classroom gets noisy and the teacher gives a homework assignment, sometimes you don't hear it correctly even though you were listening? This is something called Auditory Processing. It has nothing to do with being smart or hearing well. You are smart and you hear just fine. Sometimes it just becomes harder to listen. We're going to learn ways to help you learn to listen even better so that it won't be so hard."

Letting your child know that you are going to face this challenge together is as important as keeping your explanation honest, simple and rooted in actual experiences. Your child will feel more secure knowing that his or her parent or parents are partners and will be learning new skills and exploring new territory together. Helping a child with APD understand that everyone struggles with something can also make things easier. I often counsel parents to remind their child of things that are fun and come easily to them and to share a struggle that the parent has had and still sometimes works to overcome.

5: What are simple things a parent can do at home to make the sound quality better for an APD child?
LOIS: Children with APD have a very difficult time listening in environments with a lot of extraneous noise. We're all bombarded by sound 24/7 and for a child with an APD even a seemingly innocuous sound that few of us consciously register like a scraping chair or a sneeze can cause or increase confusion. I'm not suggesting that parents keep their children out of all noisy environments and maintain complete silence at all times. Parents do however need to be aware that dealing effectively with noise and the problems it causes for children with APD begins at home and that they have the power to make enormously helpful common sense choices that will address their child's listening needs. Any home can be made less noisy and more comfortable for a child who struggles with listening. Think about the individual rooms in your home.

Is one room noisier than another because of outside traffic? Do the sounds of appliances like a dishwasher or running the sink make your kitchen a particularly loud place? Do you eat dinner with the television or radio on or is there a TV on in several rooms in your house or apartment? Once you realize that background noise interferes with your child getting all the auditory information they need, you can begin to gauge where the noisiest places are in your home and in your life together and begin to make adjustments. Turn the TV off. Make an effort to conduct important learning activities and conversations and give directions in quieter rooms. Perhaps your kitchen isn't the best place to deliver detailed instructions. Think about how you speak to your child.

Do you talk to them from another room or from a great distance away? Do you shoehorn your child into alternating conversations with several people in the family or while talking on the phone? A child with APD needs the advantage of focused, face-to-face, one on one conversation. Cutting down on unnecessary background noise and cross talk will help them understand and participate in the conversation and benefit from the words you share.

6: How is communication different for an APD child? What do they process (or not process in a sentence) vs. what the average child would?
LOIS: Listening is such a varied and pervasive skill that an APD may adversely affect a child in several ways. If a child has difficulty with what's called "Auditory Attention" they may miss the beginning of a sentence and have to guess at a word or meaning to fill in the piece that they didn't catch. If the child's difficulty is a matter of "Auditory Discrimination" they may confuse similar sounding words. For instance, when their teacher says what sounds like, "she went to the dog," when in fact what was actually said was, "she went to the door," though the child knows the sentence didn't make any sense the way they heard it, a girl or boy with an APD still has to stop and think about it. While they're doing that repair work on their own, their teacher continues and the child then misses whatever information comes next.

If a child has what's identified as "Figure-Ground" difficulty, words and sounds will cut in and out or get canceled out by background noise such as another child's cough, a door closing, or a lawn mower running outside the school building. For these children extraneous noises most of their peers ignore are just as prominent as the words the child is expected to hear and understand. Any one of these situations can wreak havoc on verbal comprehension, understanding instructions and participating in conversations. Constantly having to think over what they thought or believe they heard and mentally repair mistakes, sorting out jumbled sentences, and asking for words to be repeated is incredibly demanding for a child. Children with APD simply become exhausted, frustrated by most verbal communication and quickly lose interest.

A child without APD who has typical auditory processing abilities doesn't shoulder these burdens. With no additional barriers to listening effectively, he or she is understands a message appropriately and in context without all that extra confusion and struggle and is free to communicate clearly and happily throughout the day.

7: How can parents become better listeners for an APD child?
LOIS: A few guidelines:

1. Try to speak to your child on the same physical level. When talking to your child, face-to-face always works best. There are all sorts of visual cues we take for granted in conversation. For a child who is learning and struggling with listening, the more they can see of your mouth, face and body language, the more advantage they'll have in paying attention and getting your meaning.
2. Give your child your full attention when she or he speaks. Your focus on what they are saying will work miracles.
3. Make eye contact and demonstrate with your expression that you are interested in what your child is telling you.
4. Listen patiently. Children with APD often take extra time to choose words and think about the meaning of what's been said.
5. Try not to interrupt your child before he or she has finished speaking. What's common courtesy amongst adults is a vital stepping-stone for a child learning to communicate effectively.
6. Remember that you are always teaching your child through your behavior. A child that is listened-to will become a good listener. Parents who work at being a better listener themselves help their children to do the same. Children return the respect they receive – not just to you but to anyone they engage with at home, school or play.

8: Are there simple things parents of an APD child can ask the child's teacher/school to do in order to help meet a child's needs?
LOIS: If your child has a diagnosed disorder, accommodations and recommendations will be outlined in their school system mandated Individualized Educational Plan (IEP). Even if your child does not have these accommodations detailed in an educational plan there are some simple and highly effective things that teachers can do to help your child do their best.
They include:

• Arrange preferential seating – moving your child to a place in the classroom where the teacher can be seen and best heard during instructional time can work wonders.
• Reduce classroom noise – especially while the teacher is giving lessons and directions. This can range from simply asking and waiting for quiet before saying anything important, to installing sound dampers on the tips of chair legs and other physical classroom modifications that minimize distracting noise.
• Use closed captioning when showing videos and DVDs
• Repeat and rephrase questions and comments from other children during class discussions
• Implement a one-voice rule during discussions to avoid more than one speaker at a time creating cross talk.
• Write homework assignments on the blackboard in addition to giving out the assignments verbally.
• Many teachers may not have had a child with APD or listening challenges in their classroom before. It's important that parent and teacher work together to learn the best ways to help and support your child in their classroom.

9: As reading plays an important role in communicating with APD children, can you recommend some books that you've found most helpful?
LOIS: Books are an indispensable tool for expanding any child's perspective of the world and allowing them to experience new concepts, new words and new uses of language they would not otherwise encounter. Hearing stories read aloud is one of the most powerful ways for a child to develop and strengthen their listening and communicating skills. I list a variety of age and developmentally appropriate books in THE SOUND OF HOPE, but really almost any book is a "good" book if it captures your child's interest and helps the two of you form a bond of mutual curiosity and share a dual flight of imagination together. The children's librarian at your local library is another good resource for books appropriate to your child's age and interest level.

Having read to my two children as they grew up at home and worked with hundreds of children with listening issues in my clinical and therapeutic work, the books I've grown to love the best are classic fairy tales. The stories may be simple but they run deep through generations of re-telling, contain characters that have remained compelling for hundreds of years, and describe situations and concepts that are relevant and capture a child's (and adult's) imagination. The only children's books I caution about are one's that are too firmly based in characters and stories from other media. Children may like the familiarity of a TV or movie tie-in book, but those stories have already been shaped and defined on screen and can limit a child's imagination, ideas and choices. But again, any book that keeps your child interested and the two of you turning the pages together is fine.

10: What is one thing you would like to tell parents who suspect their child might have APD? Conversely, what is one thing you tell kids newly diagnosed with APD?
LOIS: I would tell parents to trust their instincts and seek help right away. Parents usually sense when there is something not quite right with their child's development even if they can't put their finger on precisely what it is or decide on their own what to do about it. If you suspect there is an issue with your child's listening and learning skills, don't wait; an evaluation will help you confirm if your child's skills are developing appropriately and give you peace of mind. Help is always available for children and finding the right help will make all the difference. Parents who suspect their birth to three-year-old child might have APD or a listening challenge should call their local Health Department for an Early Intervention evaluation. For a suspected problem with a child 3-5 or school age, they should call their school district's Department for Special Services and request a speech and language evaluation.

For a child diagnosed with APD the one thing I work hard to make them understand is that they are not alone. With the help of their parents and teachers, together we can and will find ways to make listening, learning and talking a whole lot easier and a whole lot of fun just like they should be!
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Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who has loved us and given us eternal comfort and good hope by grace, comfort and strengthen your hearts in every good work and word. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 (NASB) 

Researching the Specialist

Today I received an appointment confirmation call from Star, Dr. Champagne's assistant. She sounded very nice. But, I have to be honest... the name "Regina Champagne" was a hard name to swallow and hearing that her assistant's name is Star made me giggle a little. After I stopped giggling, fear took over. Am I really taking Jared to see Star and Ms. Champagne on Thursday? Are they legit? Are we handing money over to this duo? They don't have a website and we all know that websites can make anyone look more legit, right? That's what we're programmed to believe, aren't we?

So, I decided to let the "research specialist" in me take over. That was one of my first titles at my first job when I worked in Denver. I had to find out more about Dr. Champagne. I did. I found an older page for her when she worked at a Catholic high school. Here's what it said:

Expertise:

Education, Building Memory Skills, Deficit Stimulation, Educational Therapy, Training, Dyslexia, Neurological Exercises, Learning Styles for Teachers, Specifically Designs Personal Neurological Exercises to Build Memory and School Memory Programs, Working as Educational Therapist and Trainer for Teachers for Highland Christian Schools, Roger Williams Academy and Others, Thirty Years of Professional Experience

Major Product/SVS:

Advanced Placement and Honors Classes in English, Mathematics, Social Science, Foreign Language, Science and Visual and Performing Arts

Favorite Business Publication:

Neurological Publications

Hobbies/Sports:

Making Chocolate

Education Degrees:

Doctorate in Special Education, Andersen University; Master of Arts in Special Education, Andersen University; Multiple Subjects Credential, State of California; Multiple Subjects Credential, Association of Christian Schools International; Educational Therapist Credential, National Institute for Learning Disabilities;Certification in Biblical and Christian Education, Bob Jones Institute of Christian Service

Affiliations Awards:

International Registered Christian Counselor, American Association of Christian Counselors; National Institute of Learning Disabilities; Heads Foundation Certified by the National Heritage Foundation as a Non-Profit Organization that Builds Computers for the Disadvantaged and Children with Learning Disabilities; Assisting the Poor and Needy
-----------------------------

Some may call it researching; others may call it "stalking". Now that you are reading this, consider yourself stalking along with me! This is a pretty impressive list. Also... she makes chocolate. How bad can she be?

For the ear tests words as the tongue tastes food. Let us discern for ourselves what is right; let us learn together what is good. Job 34:3-4 (NIV)

Cambodia or Bust!

This year I had the opportunity to go to Cambodia. I was seriously considering it. My fear was not about the funds to go, but the time away from my family. Originally, Ray and I had decided that 2011 would be our year to adopt a third child. I didn't know if I could travel to help orphans AND adopt an orphan in the same year, but I was definitely sensing a green light to fill out the application and go minister in Cambodia.

Ray supported my consideration for the trip. We had it planned. He would take time off work to watch the boys. My parents will both be retired by May, so I'm sure the kids would be okay. But, there was still this little twinge in me that didn't have peace. As I've discovered more and more about Jared's disability, I know that this summer will be very detrimental to preparing him for kindergarten next year. We've got to start rhyming with him and build listening skills with home techniques.  As I researched APD, my eyes were opened that this is not the year for Cambodia. The more and more Ray and I talked about Jared's disability, we realized that maybe God was calling us to step back and make sure we are doing everything we can to help Jared.

According to our research, the world is a cold, hard place for a child with APD. Here's a harsh reality:
"As a child grows, the complexity of his interactions with people, grows too. At an age when children are naturally compiling the first few pages of a developing instruction manual for how their world works, APD sees to it that important information is left out. With every unsuccessful social transaction, incomplete task, and missed point in school, the child with APD is being programmed to fail. APD's toll on listening begins a sequence of falling developmental dominoes that can reach into adulthood. Untreated, APD can drastically distort social and educational experiences of every kind. The child retreats into his own head."

Who wants to hear that her child is retreating into his own head?  I want Jared to find peace, instead of distortion and success, instead of failure. If I'm meant to travel to Cambodia, there will be another opportunity. Right now, we have an opportunity to help our son succeed.

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  Hebrews 4:16 (NIV)

Paving the Way

Yesterday, my friend Lisa went to the doctor for her daughter, MiKayla’s APD. I mentioned the timeline of events in one of my previous posts. I received this email from Lisa:
Well we went on Friday.  To be honest, I was not impressed.  The Doc was real sweet and did good with MiKayla but all she did was a lot of hearing tests.  Of course, they were all for different things and some were pretty difficult.  I talked to the doc afterwards and she said she was looking for a lot of different things in the hearing tests.  I just thought maybe some would be written or games,etc.  I should have a report by next Friday.  I'll let you know.  Did you find out anything else?

Wow! How disheartening! I guess Lisa, like myself, was looking for a huge weight lifted the moment she met the doctor. I’m sure she was second guessing spending so much money and not feeling that sigh of relief after the tests. Of course, inside I also felt so blessed to have found a different doctor who will be doing a battery of different tests, as well as provide therapy for Jared. But, how do I know that Jared’s tests on Thursday won’t also be a big disappointment? Are we all looking for what Rosie O’Donnell found with her APD expert?  http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Books/video/sound-hope-helping-kids-understand-words-10486086 (great 7 minute interview on Good Morning America, if you haven't seen it)

There aren't a lot of options here, considering experts believe 1 in 10 kids have this disability. I do feel, however, that Lisa and I are paving the way for many more kids in the future.  I know it! I know that we can help many others with all this research and finding the perfect doctor to help our children. As Albert Einstein said, "If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn’t be called research.”

The metalworker encourages the goldsmith, and the one who smooths with the hammer spurs on the one who strikes the anvil. One says of the welding, “It is good.” The other nails down the idol so it will not topple. Isaiah 41:7 (NIV)

Celebrating Six

Today, our little guy turned 6. I cannot express how "proud" he is! He believes it's a huge turning point in his life. Here are some photos from his fun day.

I always thank God for you because of His grace given you in Christ Jesus. 1 Corinthians 1:4 (NIV)

More Champagne, Please

Today I talked with Dr. Champagne again. I can tell she definitely loves doing what she does. She uses so much APD jargon, that my head spins when I talk with her. I asked her how long the tests take and she proceeded to tell me details, down to half-minutes! It's a little overwhelming, but I feel unbelievably blessed to be connected with this wealth of knowledge.

One thing I found out was how pricey this will be. Lisa, my friend I mentioned in previous blogs, told me that her appointment for MiKayla will cost $450 for the test (the doctor in New Braunfels). Dr. Champagne doesn't cost that much. She charges per hour, but it will definitely add up. I know that it will be worth it. We're willing to find any way possible to help Jared. I know that's how Lisa feels about her daughter, too.

I shared my good news with Jared's school administrator and here was her reaction:

Great! God is continuing to open doors through youJ Bless you! I’m so excited! Thanks for keeping me informed and let me know how meeting goes! I can’t even tell you how excited I am….by helping Jared you will open the doors for so many others! Bless you sister!

I scheduled Jared's first appointment with Dr. Champagne. It will be next Thursday.  Yay!

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7 (NIV)

Another Breakthrough

Today I got a super cool call from my friend, Gretchen. She said she was talking to her friend in her Bible Study today, regarding APD. Her friend's kids have APD and she found this wonderful doctor who practices here in San Antonio. Her name is Dr. Regina Champagne and she has 13 licenses and 2 Phd's. Unfortunately, she doesn't have a website. Gretchen said she is a Cognative Educational Therapist who operates out of her house - each room is age specific. So, I gave her a call.

Immediately, she described what Jared was going through. She doesn't have any "7 year old and up" barriers - great news! She is able to perform a full battery of tests for any age. She even told me all about the tests (something like LAT2 and RAMO and IQ tests, etc.) She talked about nerve lining, electrical impulses, emotional lapses in neurochemicals, sustaining working memory, educational testing, etc. It was absolutely fascinating listening to her, as she sounded exactly like all the research I've read, yet has decades of APD experience.  She was also able to explain the emotional side of APD - where the emotions are located in the brain, by the spelling/writing area and how the emotions play a big part in APD.

Here's the huge news: besides the fact that she's available, she will actually provide a 28 page report for the school. She will physically come to the school and speak with the teacher/administrator and share her report, complete with statistics, charts, etc. This is exactly what the school administrator told us. She said that if there's a report, the school has to legally comply. Dr. Champagne said that these reports are imperative for the school to have for the SAT/ACT. She said they "protect the student down the road" by helping prove the case for APD students needing extra time for taking those tests. I had no idea and hadn't even thought that far ahead!

We're excited about this new contact and can't wait to see how she will help Jared.

The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Psalm 126:3 (NIV)

To Tell or Not to Tell?

Tonight was Jared's first soccer practice with his new team, the Huskies. He loves soccer. This is his forth season and the child is excited for every single practice and game. This is a new team, as his last season  coach decided not to coach again. I could only hope for a fantastic coach this season.

As I have mentioned, Jared's APD has made him more easily frustrated. Now that he's surrounded by children who can speak clearly and get their questions out, he knows that he's different. He stutters to get questions out, especially when he's excited. He has started whining when he doesn't feel "heard". These are all areas in which we're working. So, I was wondering, do I tell the coach about his condition or do I let her/him get to know Jared before labeling him with a disability?

We were the first family at practice. Coach Lorie seemed very nice. She and her husband will be coaching team. They are both military, very organized, excited and so kind. We chatted as we waited for other families. The opportunity presented itself and I shared a little about APD with her. I told her that Jared learns best by visual instruction, so if there's a drill, he should be behind someone to follow what the other child does. There may be things that she says that he won't be able to process, but he's not intentionally ignoring her. She had never heard of the disorder, like most, and was really sweet about it.

I feel really good about his team this season. A couple weeks ago, I thought about getting on a team where I knew the coach and his daughter. After that suggestion left my mouth, I wish I could have taken it back as I knew it would not have been a good "fit" for sooooo many reasons. It worked out perfectly that the league had already assigned teams. Go Huskies!

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:5 (NIV)

Be My "VELANTINA"?

Today Jared completed his Valentine cards for his classmates. It definitely took some time. I was proud at how well he now writes his name (and the other kids' names). No backward E's! That was something we had struggled with. Every once in a while, he decides to write other letters backwards, however. And the order? Well, sometimes he doesn't seem to get that words have an order. We're working on that.

I still can't quite comprehend how he used to know all alphabet sounds and then he lost all of it and had to re-learn. I'm still hoping for answers to that odd occurance. He knows them now, but still has some off days. Today's issue was A's and E's. He has one of both in his name and he spells his name correctly. However, he sometimes says "J E R A D", even though he's writing "J A R E D". I have learned that this is common with APD kids. Your mouth looks similar when you say A and E. He also has had difficulty with D and G. The mouth does the same thing. When he was re-learning his alphabet a couple months ago, he would often say A B C G E F D. I couldn't understand why he was doing that until we saw the APD specialist. Ray then started using a mirror to show him where his lips, teeth and tongue go for each letter. Thank God for all these tips to help him!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18 (NIV)

Brother in the Background

Today I thought a lot about background noise. Since I'm still recovering, I spent most of my day in bed, away from the family. This is not a normal occurance, so the kids didn't really know what they were supposed to do. Occasionally, Jared would sneak in and hang out with me. It was great when we were talking, one-on-one, but more than likely, there was a 2 year old following him around, copying Jared's words and movements.

 Now, that would be frustrating for any person. No one likes someone saying the same thing he does and doing the same thing he does. In fact, most would find it annoying. Add APD into the equation and it sounds something like this:

 Jared: Mommy, what are we doing this afternoon? Is Grandaddy...
Zane: Mommy, what are we doing...
Jared: Shhh. I'm talking to mommy. Mommy, is Grandaddy, is Grandaddy...
Zane: Mommy, is Grandaddy coming?
Jared: Stop talking! I'm talking!
Zane: No you're not. I'm talking.
Jared: No you're not. Mommy, listen! Listen to me!
Me: I'm listening, Jared
Zane: Mommy, what are you doing?
Jared: MOMMY! You're not listening to me!!!

Usually, about this time, the jealous dog comes in and starts barking, which leads to an even more frustrated Jared because he has yet to ask his question. It's quite sad, but it's an every day reality. I'm trying to teach Zane to stop interrupting, so that Jared can talk (and vice versa), but it's probably going to take some time. My 2 year old has a mind of his own. Just check out this picture:

I am blessed with my beautiful boys. I can't think of them without smiling, and often laughing. They crack me up! I know that when Zane quiets down some of his background noise, Jared will also see what a blessing Zane is to him!

He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord. Psalm 113:9 (NIV)

Who Knows?

Today was Jared's final evaluation with the county school district.  Ray actually took him today, as I am home with an upper respiratory infection and an ear infection. I had forgotten to tell Ray that the evaluator is not familiar with APD. So, unknowingly, Ray asked her, "Are we on the right path? APD?" and she said the he's testing pretty normal, within her parameters. When he came home, I told him that I had discussed it with her the last time and she told me she doesn't have much knowledge on that disorder. Ray asked me a great question: "Then why are we getting him tested through the county?"

Well, I have a number of reasons. First of all, we started the evaluations before I had even heard of auditory processing disorder. Secondly, what will it hurt? I'd like to know where my child needs help and if there is free help (our taxes pay for the school, even though he doesn't attend it), why not take advantage?  Thirdly, I know his speech is not as clear as most children his age and if she recommends speech therapy, through the school, will it hurt? I don't think it will right now, but I may get another opinion once we talk with a doctor who can diagnose him. We'll hopefully know more about that in the coming weeks.

Next week, the county evaluator will be calling me with the final, formal evaluation/recommendations. I still have a copy of the formal evaluation from when he was 3 and everything showed "normal". Even if this specific evaluator doesn't lead us to APD, she can give us a glimpse into who he is and how he thinks. If he is listed "normal" again, by county standards, then I'm really glad that Jared is going to a school who's new administrator is an APD specialist. What a blessing! We know that things are not "normal", but maybe it's a sign that his APD isn't as advanced and the therapy can help him tremendously because we started early. Who knows?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6

Crush. Shatter.

A few weeks ago, I took Jared to buy some new shoes. He loves going to Payless and picking out shoes. Yes, they usually have some sort of Star Wars character on them, but this time he didn't pick flashy ones. In fact, they are pretty simple and that made the price absolutely perfect! When we got in the car to go home, I said, "Do you like your shoes?" and he said, "I love them! They are my special learning shoes. They make me learn very well!". That made me smile, and then come up with a challenge. By the time we pulled into the driveway, he could spell multiple words, including his last name and "cool" - his favorite word for the day. What a great outting that was!

Two days later, as I was helping him get ready for school he said, "I don't want to go to school. The boys and girls laugh at me. They make fun of me because I get words backwards." {crush} {shatter} Did you hear the sound of my breaking heart? I sat down and asked him what he meant. He said that his words don't come out right and his brain doesn't work. Sometimes he even hits his head so his brain will start working better and he won't get things backwards. {crush} {shatter}

Jared has never not wanted to go to a place that other kids would be. He loves soccer practices, church, school, play dates, parties... all because he gets to be around other boys and girls. This was the first time he truly didn't want to go to school. And the reason? {crush} {shatter} My poor child is living his day-to-day auditory processing disorder battle.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  2 Corinthians 4: 16-18 (NIV)

The Bad Stuff

As I'm slowly reading through "The Sound of Hope", I'm getting sadder and sadder. I don't want Jared to have these struggles. I don't want to learn about this disorder anymore. Where is the happy part? When does the "hope" start in this book?

The Bad Stuff:
~Social communication and conversations with other kids often lead to hurt feelings and fights.
~Complex language and metaphors (aren’t you a busy bee?) are baffling to a child with APD.
~Distraction and inattention become a constant problem.
~Language development – growing vocabulary, grammar skills, sentence structure, and the ability to listen – don’t progress on schedule.
~Spelling and reading skills come slowly or not at all.
~Multi-step directions are endlessly challenging.
~The child constantly says, "What?" or "I don’t know" or "I don’t understand".
~The child with APD performs well in activities when sound info is backed up with visuals.
~Slow development, inarticulateness and inattentiveness of an APD first grader can mimic the symptoms of ADD.
~Poorly evolving social communication skills with other kids and teachers add to his increasing isolation and unhappiness.
~Organizational skills don’t develop in line with other kids.
~He opts out of class discussions or appears lost and gives answers that are not the topic at hand.

Of course, the book also has little stories like this:
Working with Andy, a seven-year-old child with APD, one day, I suggested that we write a story together. “What will we write it in?” Andy asked me.

“In your composition book,” I replied, making sure to look right at him and point to the notebook in my hand.

“What’s a competition book?” Andy asked. Andy was very smart and very sensitive, and I could tell he was already frustrated that my answer to his question made no sense. Andy hadn’t heard all the sounds of the words I spoke, and substituted a word he already knew for the one that I actually said. For a girl or boy who doesn’t have APD, this is a simple mistake in conversation. But for a boy like Andy, this single mismatch of words was one of dozens of mistakes, misunderstandings, and miscommunication he’d endured so far that day. The child with APD is crushed under the weight of all these piled-up misunderstandings and the embarrassment and frustration that come with using the wrong word and not getting the gist of a conversation of instruction. With other children his age, it’s even worse. The eye rolling, tactless comments and impatience these little mistakes provoke all day long from Andy’s peers make it hard for an otherwise perfectly intelligent and sweet little boy to keep up self-esteem, find his way among his classmates, and make friends.

Apart from all these truths about APD, I'm learning a great deal and can't wait to finish all "the bad stuff" and find the "hope" part of the book.

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25:5 (NIV)

Woe Is He

"Have you had any 'woe is me' days?" a friend asked me the other day, when we were discussing APD. No. Definitely not. How can you have a "woe is me" day when it's not about me? It's about him. Yes, we're all in this together, but if I am thinking of woes, it's definitely those woes of my precious child.

My senses are heightened. I hear people say, "what did you say?" or ask him to repeat himself. I hear individuals repeat what they say to him over and over again. I hear voices raised. I grit my teeth when people lose patience with him. Have I ever lost patience? Absolutely. However, I'm astounded by this abundance of patience that has taken over me now that I know more about this disability. This is my son's battle and I want to do everything I can to help him. Woe is he.

Years ago I gave a talk at a church about self-centeredness. I shared about the time in my life when I was more self-centered than ever. It was the time when Ray and I were trying to get pregnant. I would take my body temperature every day. I would even know the size of my ovaries... my inmost being... each month. Every feeling, thought or oddity would be journaled. I was so focused on my body, inside and out... whatever I could do to help the fertility specialists figure out what was wrong. When I had to wait those few days to see if I would be pregnant during a particular month, the self-absorption was insurmountable. Throughout that time, I had plenty of "woe is me" days.

Today, any stray thought leads to him... or at least a prayer for strength for him. I am in the midst of my "woe is he" days. But, I know that this, too, will pass and I cannot wait to see what this life holds for my miracle baby.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV)

Ain’t No Party Like an APD Party

Tonight we hosted a Super Bowl party. For those who know me, I looooooovveeee hosting parties. I believe it’s because I’m a 4th (at least) generation “hostess with the mostest”. My mother, grandmother and great-grandmother threw fantastic parties… some were even mentioned in the most elite society pages in the papers back east. Well, mine aren't classified as elite, but I try to make them fun. Jared loves parties too. Good thing he has a mom who loves having people over and celebrating!

Throughout my research with APD, I discovered that social gatherings were not good for APD children. Just so you don’t think too horribly of me, I found this out after I planned the Super Bowl party. Why are parties a problem? BACKGROUND NOISE. Now, not every child with APD is the same. They all struggle with using sound to listen, but there are different processing issues. There were 15 children and 13 adults over here. He did just fine. No breakdowns or meltdowns. He was happy as can be. As you can see in this picture, he was "all smiles".

So, I'm officially striking this symptom from the the APD list and praying that he will continue to do okay at all future parties.

You are the God who performs miracles; Psalm 77:14a