The Stranger: "I Mean, Is He Going To Be Normal?"

The other day I took the boys to the dentist. It was the last appointment of the day, so the dental hygienists and staff were rushing the kids through their appointments. There were only 2 seats available and they were on opposite sides of the children's dental clinic. I had to chose which child I would be with, because they weren't near each other.

I chose to go with my 4 year old first. He's great at the dentist, but he's still "my baby", so I figured I'd go with him while Jared got some x-rays. When I went to check on Jared, I was told he didn't cooperate. She said that she'd tell him to do something to his left side or his right side and he wouldn't do it. She said he refused to follow direction in the x-ray room. I immediately felt horrible for choosing to go with my baby, as obviously, Jared needed help. Because of his many neurological differences, he has to be shown what to do... not just told directions. Depending on the day, he might not understand.

I explained to her about Jared's APD and dyslexia. After a little while, I went back to Zane. The lady who was cleaning his teeth overheard my conversation about Jared. She said, "Now, what are his issues?" I thought that sounded a little rude, but I gave her grace as she looked to be 9 months pregnant and it was the very end of a (what could have been) a long day. I told her about Jared's differences, including his lacking working memory. She said, "Oh, so he's like Dory in Finding Nemo?" I told her it wasn't that bad, but some things don't stay in his memory very long. I stayed positive as I explained.

Then... and this is where I found myself praying for that baby in her belly... she put one hand on Zane's tummy {shaking it a little} and said, "What about this one? Is he normal?" As I looked at her, without answering, she continued (perhaps thinking she was clarifying), "I mean, is he going to be normal?" She continued to touch Zane's belly as she said these words. Perhaps she was showing concern for my baby, however, stopping what she was doing and putting a hand on his stomach... so he could clearly listen to what she was saying... was making certain that Zane was involved in this conversation.  I was taken aback and didn't quite know how to answer this. Thoughts were filling my head. But, the first thing out of my mouth was, "They are not biological brothers." And her quick, interrupting reply was, "Oh, thank God!" with another belly rub.

Wow. Did that happen? Are those words forever ingrained in Zane so that he can shout them out at Jared the next time he's mad at him? Did I not give a proper reply so that she  would not say appalling things like that to other children? I figured if I said more, or showed my shock more vividly, Zane might NEVER forget that moment. I don't want a single memory of that in Zane's head.  I'd like to forget it ever happened. I might type that I wish Jared could not have all his hardships and he could have more "normal" in his life, but I don't say that out loud. Sure, I wish I could fix/heal my son. I pray for a miracle. Those are my inmost feelings. Jared already knows he's different. I don't need anything else to come out of any of our mouths that makes him feel even more different. I want both of my children to always feel accepted and loved, no matter how "normal" they feel or how to world sees them.

Both of my boys are the most wonderful, precious boys a mother could dream of having. They are hilarious, cute, smart, and tenderhearted. They are not connected by blood, but their hearts are connected... forming a bond that only brothers know. They are unique and fill my heart to an overflowing level. 

So, to you, Ms. Dental Hygienist, I know that if you experience 1/2 the joy that I have been blessed with, your heart will be full. I pray the child within you has a place where he/she feels like he/she can "fit in" and be accepted. As mothers, we know our babies want to feel loved and accepted. Isn't that the desire of all of us?

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

Cat Therapy

For years, our veterinarian has told us that we need an outdoor cat to keep all the critters away. We live outside of town and we have our share of snakes, rodents, scorpions, spiders, etc. I'm not a fan of cats, however, so it wasn't top priority. I'll take a dog... or two or three... but dealing with a litter box is not my idea of fun.

A few months ago, as my husband and I were chasing a big mouse (him with hoe, me with rake) under the deck in our backyard, I started to consider the idea again. I mean, it's only a matter of time until we find all these varmints inside our house, right?

When we visited my in-laws (a.k.a. "cat lovers") a few weeks ago, it was confirmed: a cat was in our future. Jared loved all the cats we were around (12 total). At his grandpa's house, he found a stray outside and stayed out there with her for hours. I'd find him sitting next to the cat, talking to her. It seemed so therapeutic for him. It was time. It was also nice that one of the cat lovers, my mother-in-law, gave us a ton of cat things, like a carrier, litter box, etc. All we needed was a cat.

It's like the whole word disappeared and it was just him and the cat.

He didn't even see me with the camera.

...and then there were his aunt's kittens oustide.

Grandpa also had a cat inside that Jared loved.

This is where, I believe, God gave us a gift. Not only did we find a great cat, he's almost like a dog. He has to be one of the best cats I've ever seen. He will let kids... ANY kid... carry him around like a sack of potatoes. He is content being around people all the time. He comes when he's called. He hasn't used his claws or teeth on any of these kids carrying him around, upside down, floppily. He can't even be in the same room with someone without purring. The best part is, he makes everyone feel like they are the most loved person on earth. That's why he's a hit with the kids. Usually pets run and hide from crazy kids. This little guy runs to any person, young or old, purring to be picked up. 

As for therapy... Jared will spend hours just loving on and talking with Smudge. He has a new best friend.

Our  "Smudge" kitty

A friend loves at all times.... Proverbs 17:17a (NIV)