"Doing" Love verses "Feeling" Love

I am part of a Facebook page, specifically for host parents and mentors of the organization. I am learning so many great things! 

The other day someone asked the veteran host parents for key advice for hosting. I loved all the words of wisdom that were posted. Here are some things that I liked and need to remember:

Keep in the mind the things that are so obvious to you are not obvious to them.  

Do not expect grateful children...just regular children.  Have lots of patience and lots of love.

Show grace and have lots of simple fun. 

Remember it's only for a few weeks, but they keep those memories for a lifetime. You CAN have an impact!

Love on them like there is no tomorrow.   Pray over them constantly.   Try to understand that it will be just like having a "newborn" in your home in some sense. Manage your expectations!!!   

And please remember that there are many, many people praying for you and your family and the children you are hosting. Cry out or shout out if you need help or advice.

I would establish a simple routine the first week like meals times, shower, bedtime.  Its very hard to undo something.  

Be flexible!  It was so hard to get my daughter to go to bed that first hosting.  She would get back up and run around the house (she was twelve).  She would sneak my husbands sweatshirts.  She seemed naughty and obstinate much of the time.  Toward the end of hosting we had pretty much figured it out.  She wanted to stay up with us. She wanted to lay between us and fall asleep.  She wanted to wear "daddy's" sweatshirt to sleep because of the smell.  Many of the things that drove us crazy that first hosting were her cries for security.  She stole my phone and took selfies ALL the time.  It drove me crazy.  She left and we cried and I was so thankful for all of the pictures. She had been hosted before, and she understood better than we did how fast that time would go.   I know that we all want order to our homes, but try to think outside the box about what their actions might be saying.  This time will fly, I promise.  Make every minute count.

(isn't that beautiful????)

Don't be surprised if you have a boy and they refuse to do certain work that you do as a family as that is "women's work".  It is a cultural thing.  (Each are different on how they react to the request of pitching in).  

 

Realize that many don't feel sorry for themselves for being in an orphanage or hate it.  They will miss their friends as they see them 24/7 on a normal day.  

 

Don't "expect" gratitude.  

Lower your expectations so the kids have a chance in your home. Seen too many time of families expecting the perfect child and being highly disappointed.  Remember how you were.

Do NOT expect these kids to look at you with loving eyes and thank you for everything you give them.  Do not expect singing and dancing. They are kids and sometimes that means self-centered and rude.  They are real kids not Disney orphans and have all the issues of "regular" kids along with some issues unique to their life story.   

 

You WILL feel taken advantage of and EXHAUSTED.  You may feel more like a camp director than a parent.  You may fall asleep wondering how you are going to get through the next day.  

 

This may be the hardest thing you've ever done. Now is the time to give yourself and the kids a lot of grace and mercy.  

Remember, "love" is a noun and a verb.  Now is the time to DO "love" because you may not FEEL "love".  Tie your emotions in a knot and swallow them, then put on the cloak of love, straighten your shoulders, stick out your chin, and parent on!  

 

Aren't these great?

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

Dogs & Firewood: Lost in Translation?

Picture two children living with you for the summer. There are "house rules", right? That's what I'm told I have to write and translate for them. Think of all the rules your current children have ---- you know... turn off the light when you leave a room, close the door so mosquitoes don't get inside, etc.

I'm currently writing and translating the "battle rhythm" of our house. This is how we live. These are things we do. I'm currently working on the dog section. As I was "explaining", I found myself concerned. These kids are going to think we're CRAZY!!!! We are. Am I really going to translate this?
-----
HOUSE DOGS
We have 2 very sweet dogs. They are big, but gentle.

Kogi is our Great Dane puppy.  Even though he's nearly 130 pounds, he's not even a year old yet. He was named after Korean barbecue. Kogi enjoys singing, sleeping and drinking from the septic sprinklers.

 Kogi collects firewood from the backyard and walks up 14 stairs with it, daily. He keeps a firewood collection on a couch in the sun room. Stay clear when he's carrying wood. He might drop a log on your foot.

Teething Kogi, with his floppy ear

When he's not busy chewing on firewood, he spends his days "teething" on walls. That is why there are currently 8 holes in the walls in the sun room. Why haven't we fixed them? He's not finished teething yet. Why is he doing it? We don't know. We are home when he does it. He doesn't seem distressed. He just walks up to a wall and starts chewing. 

This is our other dog, Crockett. You might see his name on local streets and buildings. He was found digging in trash cans when he was younger. We adopted him when he was 2 years old. He loves toys, but will rip through stuffed animals in under a minute. He destroys anything with stuffing. Therefore, he chooses to cuddle with the logs his brother brings in.  

--

As I'm writing this, I'm starting to question my sanity. Should I even give them detailed, translated information about the dogs? 

Here's my question: Which is scarier? Reading this information before meeting my dogs or not having the information; but having a wet, giant dog drop a log on your big toe?  Decisions. Decisions.

Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” Psalm 126:2

Crossing Cultures

As I mentioned before, I'm not allowed to post pictures of the Eastern European children who will be staying with us this summer. I'm not allowed to even mention the country. Apparently, it infringes on their government's rights. I am told that someone is monitoring the web closely. 

I can definitely show you pictures of the children if you are with me. I am allowed to make posters, handouts, etc. for local distribution. We can post an occasional family photo, including the host children, which doesn't single them out or refer to their country. Let me know if you want to see these awesome kids!

We learned about their culture in our training. Here are some of the things we learned. Most of it is already what we do with our kids -

They cannot have cell phones here.

They cannot see Rated R movies or TV.

Their video game time should be limited and age appropriate.

They are not allowed to change their appearance drastically, while here. That means no shaved/dyed hair or piercings. 

designer jeans at Russian market

Materialism is huge in Eastern Europe and they might desire brand names or expensive things. We are encouraged not to give in to that. If they obtain expensive things here, they might be a target with other orphans back in Eastern Europe.

Those five things would slide into our lives, perfectly. The first three are already rules here, and the last one... I don't even think my kids would know what a name brand is... unless you count Minecraft.

Then there are these cultural differences in which we need to prepare:

Pornography is a rampant problem in Europe. We need to monitor all their computer activity. We are to block their access to Facebook. By the way, they have Facebook in that country ... although it's called something different. (I can't mention the name, because it's country specific.) We should be present with them whenever they are on our computers. There are many reasons why they shouldn't use computers, but a big one is that it protects the kids from others back home who can influence them negatively. That makes a whole lot of sense. Another host mom mentioned that her host daughter would get really upset when she spoke with other kids back home. It took a while to calm her down. These kids will be calling their house parents each week, as well as a chaperone from their country. 

Then there are the bathroom cultural differences. Thankfully, I've been on mission teams in many countries that don't have toilets or toilet paper. Ray has spent 3 1/2 years in Kosovo, Bosnia and Iraq, so he has seen/used some interesting bathrooms. It's our little boys who might not understand how a person doesn't know how to use a first-world toilet.

They're not accustomed to bathing or changing their clothes daily.

Baths are a luxury.

We have to demonstrate how to use wash cloths and an overhead shower. We have to show them how to use a shower or bath. They do not have hot water where they are from, so we need to make sure they don't get burned.

Toilet paper is uncommon in some orphanages. We have to teach them that toilet paper goes into the toilet. We have to explain exactly what goes into the toilet.


Our host daughter might "blossom" upon coming to America, because her body will finally be getting nutrient rich food. She might not speak up, so I am to be on the lookout for that happening. 

As you can see, there are a number of things we need to know/do for these cultural differences. Have I mentioned that we don't speak their language and they don't speak English? {prayers, please}

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28

Break My Heart

It's raining. Again. It seems that we're either in a drought or we're flooding around here. So sad, but glad that so many rain prayers have been answered.

A rainy day is a perfect day to do more "orphan prep".  We bunked some beds, sorted clothes, and cleaned. I started my list of all we need... to go from housing 2 kids upstairs, to 4 kids.

When I wasn't doing that, I was glued to the computer, researching. Our little hosting community pages are buzzing, because the earliest orphan flights are just a few weeks away. I'm learning all about adoption rules today. I wish I wasn't. I've been trying to not let my heart go there, as the children we are hosting aren't technically available for adoption. There are many families who have already started the adoption process for the kids they are hosting. I found my curious mind researching the costs and logistics. Some of these countries require both parents to spend anywhere from 3 weeks to 5 months in that country!  After that, they have to return to that country 2 other times. How do people do it with jobs and other children back in America? How do they find the funds? Such sacrifice. Such love.

The song that has been going through my head for the past 2 days has the lyrics, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours". That is the prayer for my family. That is my desire. I want us to see God's heart regarding these host children. I hope we show them the Love that transcends continents!  I feel that if we continue to read the word and learn more about Him, we'll know what breaks His heart. We'll know which direction to go and what to do.

To answer the many, many questions I've been asked regarding whether we will adopt these children who stay with us: 
I believe God will make it more clear than He has ever made a single thing in my life. And, for those who know me, God has gone over and beyond with confirmations in my life. There are hurdles. So many "reasons not to". I believe He will remove those... if His plan is for us to adopt these 3 siblings. 

Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" Psalm 73:25,26

Change Their Minds?

People have been asking how they can pray for our family, in regards to our summer guests. Well, we have needs! Many of them are financial and logistical. Yesterday, I realized something else that needs prayer.

The agency didn't speak of it in training. I had no idea that this was even on the radar. I knew that there were occasional cases where orphans became ill at the last minute and they weren't allowed to get on a plane and come. If that happens, our money is transferred over to the winter season and we'd host a child/children December and January.

But, what if our orphans change their mind? What if they decide they don't want to come to America, after all?

{crush}

That was the sound of hearts cracking in my family. 

The other day, my son had show-in-tell at school. They were supposed to bring something to represent summer. He brought a picture of the kids we'll be hosting.

the boys researching the other country

There isn't a day that goes by when we don't talk about and pray for the brother and sister who'll be joining us from across the globe. I pray they don't change their minds. I know it's a selfish desire, but I've spent so much time explaining to my children the life that these kids have on another continent. They have asked me what happens to them when they age out of the foster system over there. It's grim. My sons certainly wouldn't understand why they'd choose it over coming over here. 

Thankfully, we believe in a God who already knows what will happen. We continue to ask for His will to be done.  

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 59:9
 

24 Hours

We were given a little bit of information about our host children. We know that they're active and like to be outside. We know that the host daughter loves to swim and her brother loves to ride bikes. From what I know about them, I think they'll fit in with our family swimmingly!

One thing I did find out is that they have never been on an airplane. To be honest, I would have thought it strange if they had, since they are orphans... but you never know. Some of the orphans had been hosted from other countries and have traveled before. 

Please pray with me for their travels. I couldn't imagine what it would be like for your first trip to be SO LONG! We received their flight information yesterday. Their first fight will be a couple hours, to an international hub. Then they will have a layover and another approximately 7 hour flight to Texas. 

After they arrive, we are told they will have 1 1/2 -2 hours in customs. Then they do the big introduction where we're supposed to have signs, balloons, and gifts for them and each family introduces themselves, one at a time, and gets their picture with them so their chaperones have it.  Then we drive 3 hours home (unless we hit Houston rush hour traffic, making it 4 hours). Nevertheless, these poor kids will be traveling for approximately 22 1/2 hours before coming into our house!! Crazy!

Oops... I forgot about travel to the airport in their city. There will be at least 24 hours between the time they leave their home and get to our home.

I'm seeking prayer for their health (colds, communicable airplane diseases) and any fears they might experience. I pray for no motion sickness and a peace that passes all understanding! 

I am giddy to meet these children!

I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint. Jeremiah 31:25

500 Cookies

Hosting orphans costs money. People say it is comparable to a mission trip price. Airfare is the most costly item, as you can imagine. {airfare for two} We did raise some money through a garage sale. Last week, I started thinking about another fundraiser and I decided I should try baking cookies.

A pretty incredible thing happened as I was planning a cookie fundraiser. A complete stranger saw my website and decided to order 500 graduation cookies. Wow! Now, do I enjoy baking, decorating and packaging 500 cookies the last week of school? Not especially. However, this was a very quick turnaround and my kitchen would only be bathed in sugar for about a week. All cookies are identical. What a blessing this is. I believe this would be less time consuming than a fundraiser where folks might order a half dozen watermelon cookies plus a dozen Minecraft cookies plus some princess crowns. Easy.

Bake cookie.
Place fondant on top.
Place edible image on top.
Pipe royal icing border.
Cover with sugar sprinkles.
Place in bag.
Tie with ribbon.
Curl ribbon.
Voila.

500 cookies are due tomorrow. I will be glad to get them out of here because a downside to a 500 cookie order, without additional staff/help? The family laundry. Laundry around here seems to be the last priority.

Remember how I mentioned our new capsule wardrobes? A couple weeks ago, I downsized to just a few shirts and bottoms in my closet. I stuffed everything else I owned into 2 big Rubbermaid containers, because I had no desire/time to go through it all. I really think that capsule wardrobes can work well...when life is not hot and humid and covered in powdered sugar. I had to go digging in a Rubbermaid to find something clean today. Capsule Wardrobe Fail.

Oh well, cookies will be gone tomorrow and then I shall perfect my wardrobe system!! (or at least wash, dry and put away some clothes!)

In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty.   Proverbs 14:23