Dogs & Firewood: Lost in Translation?

Picture two children living with you for the summer. There are "house rules", right? That's what I'm told I have to write and translate for them. Think of all the rules your current children have ---- you know... turn off the light when you leave a room, close the door so mosquitoes don't get inside, etc.

I'm currently writing and translating the "battle rhythm" of our house. This is how we live. These are things we do. I'm currently working on the dog section. As I was "explaining", I found myself concerned. These kids are going to think we're CRAZY!!!! We are. Am I really going to translate this?
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HOUSE DOGS
We have 2 very sweet dogs. They are big, but gentle.

Kogi is our Great Dane puppy.  Even though he's nearly 130 pounds, he's not even a year old yet. He was named after Korean barbecue. Kogi enjoys singing, sleeping and drinking from the septic sprinklers.

 Kogi collects firewood from the backyard and walks up 14 stairs with it, daily. He keeps a firewood collection on a couch in the sun room. Stay clear when he's carrying wood. He might drop a log on your foot.

Teething Kogi, with his floppy ear

When he's not busy chewing on firewood, he spends his days "teething" on walls. That is why there are currently 8 holes in the walls in the sun room. Why haven't we fixed them? He's not finished teething yet. Why is he doing it? We don't know. We are home when he does it. He doesn't seem distressed. He just walks up to a wall and starts chewing. 

This is our other dog, Crockett. You might see his name on local streets and buildings. He was found digging in trash cans when he was younger. We adopted him when he was 2 years old. He loves toys, but will rip through stuffed animals in under a minute. He destroys anything with stuffing. Therefore, he chooses to cuddle with the logs his brother brings in.  

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As I'm writing this, I'm starting to question my sanity. Should I even give them detailed, translated information about the dogs? 

Here's my question: Which is scarier? Reading this information before meeting my dogs or not having the information; but having a wet, giant dog drop a log on your big toe?  Decisions. Decisions.

Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” Psalm 126:2