Days 6, 7, 8

It's like Russia, in the dead of winter.
No, really. It is. It borders Russia, so it's a good assessment.
It's not like Colorado, or Banff, or Park City. It's cooooooolllllldddddd and there's not much daylight... much less, sun. 

I happen to love this kind of weather. It's great. I prefer it to the beach. Even when all 7 of us come in the front door of the apartment, all covered in snow, and attempt to take off all our boots and layers, I'm okay with it. I still prefer dirty icy water to sand everywhere. 

Two of my five kids have chapped faces. Four of my five have chapped lips. They don't seem to stop. I've put all kinds of natural solutions on their faces and lips, but it's hard to convince your kids to stop licking their lips... especially if they don't understand English. 

cleaning for the court workers

Day 6 - The social workers and attorney came over. We were told the night before, way after we were already in for the night after an excruciating trip to the Central Market and hauling home about 40 lbs of items in the snow, that we should have tea and "bisqwits" for them. Well, sorry. We didn't have tea or cookies (I'm assuming she meant cookies?) We did have some Latvian meat pastry items that Sunshine wanted. Ray was able to make them coffee. One interviewed the Latvian children while the other interviewed us.

They wanted to look at all the pictures we have taken. They wanted to know how we'd incorporate Latvian culture into our family. They wanted to make sure we are taking them around Riga to do Latvian things (not realizing that all our money must go to actually getting these kids home!)

They want to know what we have planned for the next week. They will come again on Thursday.

Day 7 - Since we stayed in all day on Friday, we decided to venture out on Saturday. We took a bus to Sigulda to attempt some snow tubing. The bus for all of us for an 80 minute ride was 6 Euro. We grabbed a taxi and went up the mountain/hill to find this "ski resort" or whatever it was supposed to be. We heard there was tubing up there. When we arrived, we saw that it was catered more to our 4 year old. We stayed about 20 minutes and then asked where we could find a famous castle. We were told it was a 1.5k walk down the road, so we started walking. It was a busy road. We tried to stay as far away from traffic. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't excruciatingly cold. It was bitter. It was brutal. We walked past a restaurant and Ray said, "If that's a restaurant, let's go in." It was lunch time, so it was perfect. Snow covered the sign. We weren't sure what the name was. Last night, however, I got on TripAdvisor and found out the name and wrote a review. That is how much I loved it!

It was the best food I have had in at least a year! It was incredible and soooooo inexpensive. I am still dreaming of my "chicken on the spit" meal from yesterday! The restaurant looks so fancy inside that we were a little nervous of eating out there with our herd. Surprisingly, they were well mannered and quiet. There were huge portions and all of us had plenty to eat to finish our journey down the road to the Turaida Castle.

 
The castle was great! It was very cold. (Okay. I'll try to stop saying that, but it is soooooooooo cold here!)

We took the train back to Riga. I'm still surprised at how inexpensive public transportation is here!

Day 8 - J and I got lost walking a few miles around Riga. I was looking for specific gluten free treats and he was searching for some kind of sled to ride down all these big snow hills. Neither of us found what we were looking for, although it was a nice walk around the city.

We are meeting another American family for dinner tonight. Only 11 more days to explore this place!

For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,  and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:10-11

Days -4 Through 5

Whirlwind.
Roller coaster.
These are the words people usually use to describe what we have been through in the past week or so.

I'm limited on time, so I'll add some highlights.

Day -4 = Last Wednesday, January 6, we received a very strange phone call from our adoption agency. Apparently, our kids' biological mom gave birth to a baby in December and that is delaying our adoption. {heart crack} What does this have to do with anything? With another blood relative in the picture, the kids are now connected to someone in Latvia (their parents' rights had already been removed). The court had to know how serious we were about adopting the three before he separated the baby. If we weren't serious, he would keep the 4 kids together. However, "If you want to go ahead and buy some refundable tickets, the attorney can let the judge know that you're coming and see if we can do an emergency separation. Just know, that we must receive the Ministry's referral today or tomorrow, or you'll need to cancel your plane tickets."

I bought about $8,000 worth of tickets, with faith, and awaited my arrival.

Day -3 = This was the day we were praying for! As the hours slipped away, my heart sank. The kids were leaving in 3 days and I was told the judge could take months to separate them, if we did not get this referral! Since communication with my kids is extremely limited, they'd never know when we were coming and may think we changed our mind. These were my thoughts. This was another night with merely a few hours of sleep.

P143 kids at airport

Day -2 = I barely slept a wink last night. The minutes were slipping away. I was told that if we didn't get our referral by 9am, it wasn't coming and we were to refund our tickets. I prayed. I begged. I was a wreck. I wailed Psalms to my Father. I demanded my inner being to be okay with God's will, if this was not to happen. I texted my agency and it wasn't looking good. My contact there was up throughout the night, waiting also. 9am came without a referral. At 9:04am, I got the text that we were heading to Latvia and better start packing. We were to leave within 48 hours! I screamed so hard my throat hurt. We were all so excited. Did I mention that the cheapest airfare we could find just happened to be on the same plane as all the P143 host children, including our own!?

Day - 1 = We had so much to pack! We couldn't fit everything... for subzero degrees, for 7 people, in 4 suitcases! But, it's $100 for an extra bag! And, my crown kept falling out! I had to find an emergency dentist to glue it back on. I don't want to rely on a dentist in Latvia! There went 2 much needed hours! Another night with hardly any sleep.                    

Texas P143 Families

Day 1 = It was finally here! We still couldn't fit  everything into our carry on suitcases plus our big 50 lb bags! We had to add another one. We decided to make it one of our host kids' suitcases, so we wouldn't be charged. We were all happy. The other families at the airport were not. We helped the P143 chaperones with the kids at the airport. I took photos of my friends' host kids and it was a pretty seamless flight on a big jetliner. Our host kids sat upstairs and we were downstairs. We were also apart on our second flight, but that was fine. We all needed sleep. Guess what? We didn't really sleep.

Day 2 = When we arrived at our destination airport, we sadly said "goodbye" to our host kids and told them we would see them tomorrow. We sent them on their way and continued to get our 9 bags and head out. When we found our attorney appointed driver, he was there with our kids and their caregivers. Sunshine came over to me and said, "We go with you." I said, "Oh no. I'm sorry. We'll see you tomorrow, though." Then she said, "Yes". I was so confused. Her caregiver pushed her toward me and said, "They are your kids now. They go with you." WHAT!?? All the crazy hours of suitcase stress and weighing them when we could have used 6 big suitcases? (Yes. that was my first thought. We knew that their caregivers take their items, so we didn't let them go with much in their one, small, combined bag.)

We headed to our 2 bedroom/1 bathroom apartment, which was a good place in a great location. We tried to walk to a grocery store. We got lost in the snow. We ended up eating at a restaurant (the first restaurant our family has eaten at together since the day they left Texas last summer. We're not used to this big family and restaurants). We came home. The attorney came over to brief us. We slept. Jet lag was tough.

          

Day 3 = We were to be picked up at 9am for orphan court, about 1 hour away. There was a lot of snow, so it took about an hour and a half. We all showed up in snow boots (the attorney said that winter wear was more important than formal wear, so the court could know that we are taking care of the kids). We met Lulu for the first time. She  was adorable, of course. Her face had so many scars and "owies". Her caregiver said she had a rash and had clawed at her face. We had our court hearing. It was fine. Their caregiver said things about Sunshine and Iceman that were not nice. Ray and I were not fond of her. That is a nice way to put it. We asked to go back to their home so they could pick up some of their personal items, and we were asked what exactly we wanted (they really weren't wanting to give us much). I asked if we could at least have some of the gifts we gave them last summer. They ended up getting 3 items each (don't ask how many things they went home with last summer. The items weighed 99.98 lbs, though). I asked if Sunshine could, at least, have her drawings. She got them. I'm hoping we have a chance to go back there at our next date to get more items, if our kids want any. Our kids weren't really acting like they wanted any, so maybe it was just my thing.

January 12, 2016 - We are a family of 7. Lulu fit in just as swimmingly as the other two. We were told that she is bossy, she takes a long time to eat and that she talks a lot at bedtime. All of those things are true.

Day 4 = Another day of walking, walking, walking around the big city in the snow. Fun times! We ended up with an attorney appointed guide that we all happened to know. She was our P143 guide last summer! We sure do love her! What a great day!

Day 5 = We still haven't recovered from jet lag. I went to bed at 2am and woke up at 9am, to run to the store for some items Sunshine needed. We did a ton of walking today, and grocery shopping. Our budget doesn't allow much eating out, so we are doing meals in our apartment. I'm so thankful for kids who don't desire to eat at restaurants. Tomorrow is our first social worker appointment at the apartment. We must get this place clean! We have a washer that will wash a load about the size of 2 pair of jeans. There is no dryer. We have 7 people. I do numerous loads a day, yet we still have a ton of dirty clothing! {mom rant. done} 

 

This is the LORD'S doing; It is marvelous in our eyes. Psalm 118:23

Church

Our host kids were fortunate to attend church with us three Sundays for this hosting period. They seem to enjoy it. Unfortunately, there is a huge inconvenience in that they don't speak or understand much English. This was magnified on Sunday, when there was a church-wide Communion.

Oops. I forgot to translate to them what this meant. That's kind of a big, bad, horrible move on my part. So, as the pastor was talking about Communion, I thought I'd type out what they should know about the entire church getting up and going to the front to partake in the Holy Eucharist. 

Here's the thing: I typed it in the Latvian side. Here's what that means: All the words I typed out were not translated, but translated into English. Here's the bad thing: Even though my phone was completely in silence mode, it started saying these 2 paragraphs very loudly! I tried turning it off. All eyes were on me, as the pastor was praying before Communion. I apologized and said, "Translating", as I tried to shove it between my two legs to stop the sound {I guess this is when some "thunder thighs" come in handy!}

I was immediately red faced. I could feel the heat in my entire head. Then I just wanted to give up. I couldn't explain to these 2 kids that we were going to walk up front and get a piece of cracker/bread and a tiny cup of juice, and they aren't allowed to have any. I could only imagine what they thought... especially Iceman. Their lives used to consist of living on the streets and begging for food. Iceman has, as my husband says, "a negative amount of body fat". But, let's all "eat" and "drink" in front of him... all 500-600 of us. {yuck} If he only knew we weren't "eating and drinking", but actually remembering all Jesus has done for us, it would be less painful.

Of course, there is also pain in knowing that there is no way to communicate to them ALL the God has done in their lives and this adoption. We must tear down these communication barriers! I'm hoping to connect with YWAM Latvia when we get there and see if someone there might offer some guidance in explaining to them what our family believes. 

I took my Texan boys up for Communion while my husband stayed with our host children.
 
p.s. The pastor preached that if you've entered 2016 carrying disappointment... GET YOUR EYES UP! (I constantly need that reminder. Still waiting for our adoption news....)

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Acts 2:42

New Post. New Year. New Hope?

New Post. New Year.

With so much happening around this house lately, I could easily write a new post every few hours. Unfortunately, that would require necessary minutes to write.... I do hope to re-visit the fantastic memories and post them after the children leave in a week. {if I can gather strength from my sadness}

2016 Internet posts offer such encouragement and "you have 365 blank pages to create a masterpiece" messages. Looking at social media on January 1st makes the whole "the world is your oyster" cliche look like nothing compared to all the good that is wished and hoped upon others. I am glad that I do not suffer from depression, because social media sites {unknowingly or not} can be ridiculously "perfect" at times. Facebook walls are covered in  "look at my 2015" masterpieces of photos, sharing 896 likes, etc. Family and friend photos are all smiles, as they welcome in the new year.

Do I sound cynical? Perhaps. I prefer to call myself a realist... a realist waiting for another government to stinkin' invite us over there to get our kids. {insert pouty face emoticon, if I had one. But I don't. Which is good; because I know I'm sounding a tad too emotional.}

I know this process takes time, but when I was told that our attorney {over there} said that we will be traveling soon and even asked if we wanted to fly back on the plane with our kids next week, I was filled with hope. When I was told that our formal invitation to go get our three kids would be here "by the end of the month", December's end could not get here quickly enough!

And now we're in January.

And I've heard that courts don't even resume for another week.

And I'm waiting.

And I'm waiting with hundreds of photos from the past few weeks, beaming with smiles and happiness and great times. These are the photos I will be left with in a week, when my kids go back, without any news regarding when we'll be there to pick them up.

And I'm waiting with 2 kids who do not want to go back to their country.

And I'm waiting with these kids who don't speak good English... who don't really understand why we are making them go back if we plan to adopt them.

All I wanted was some dates to tell them, so we could all hope to see each other again. But, they will go back, without knowing when we will come. Communication is lacking with their caretakers, so we don't know what they will be told or won't be told, once we receive our invitation. {crack} {their poor, little hearts}

Here is my reality. A year ago, I was serving in orphanages in Guatemala and having one of the best experiences of my life. I started the year with incredible memories and HOPE. I had no idea that 2015 would end up being an emotional roller-coaster ride, falling in love with two orphans who are 6,000 miles away. 

I'm sure I wouldn't be writing this melancholy post if I had not been told the attorney's news about how quickly our travel dates are coming. It's the same reason I get frustrated when I'm watching cop shows on TV where the cops "promise" to find the family's kid, when you can't guarantee that.  Reality shows that you can't make that promise. 

As with me... I was told I'd be going over there soon. But we didn't receive our referral. So, what's wrong? Reality is that it's probably because it's the holidays. HOWEVER, when I asked the contact person how this was supposed to happen over the holidays, the attorney said that people are in the office during this time. 

Are you seeing my crazy brain? My thoughts stirring? 

I never knew I could have so many emotions inside me until I met those sweet orphans last June. I never knew I could have a cause to fight so passionately about or a life to desire so much. 

I know I should have hope. I know it. I have read scriptures. I have preached hope to others who are waiting. I have read all the New Year cliches blanketing my Facebook page. But, these kids are getting sad that it's their last week here. These precious children, who have been through soooooooo much in their young lives, do not want to go back. I just wanted something concrete to give them - A hope, in writing. "We are coming for you. You just have to wait a week, and we'll be there." I could only imagine what that would do for them. Instead, they might just be hearing another empty promise that someone has given them in their lives. 

[Ok. I took a pause because I was sounding so much like Eeyore that I had to stop and go to the Bible. This should be the part where I erase all these crazy emotions and just talk about the HOPE we have, through Jesus Christ. However, I've decided not to. I'm going to keep it all here so I can look back at this time... this reality.]
Thankfully, God led me straight to this scripture. I love Him. I love these words:

Isaiah 49:8-13
⁸ This is what the Lord says:

“In the time of my favor I will answer you,
    and in the day of salvation I will help you;
I will keep you and will make you
    to be a covenant for the people,
to restore the land
    and to reassign its desolate inheritances,
⁹ to say to the captives, ‘Come out,’
    and to those in darkness, ‘Be free!’

“They will feed beside the roads
    and find pasture on every barren hill.
¹⁰ They will neither hunger nor thirst,
    nor will the desert heat or the sun beat down on them.
He who has compassion on them will guide them
    and lead them beside springs of water.
¹¹ I will turn all my mountains into roads,
    and my highways will be raised up.
¹² See, they will come from afar—
    some from the north, some from the west,
    some from the region of Aswan.”

¹³ Shout for joy, you heavens;
    rejoice, you earth;
    burst into song, you mountains!
For the Lord comforts his people
    and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

God Had a Better Plan

I've been through a bunch of adoption training that teaches to never say, "I don't see color" when referring to people. I've been told that it's stupid and EVERYONE sees color, so you sound dumb and insensitive if you say something like that. 

I was fortunate to grow up in a large city and date boys of all nationalities and "color", so I didn't struggle with racism as much as someone who might come from a different background. My 10 year old Texan son, however, doesn't seem to see color. For real! It is quite comical. He asked if this was a picture of my brother! My paler-than-pale, Caucasian brother. My brother is a 43 year old "white guy", so maybe I should be more concerned with the fact that my son thinks a small boy in Africa is my brother. 

Why am I bringing this up? Well, for some reason I'm an adoptive mother of (soon to be) 5 kids. I never asked for white kids. I never signed up for them. In fact, I signed up for all races and figured that we'd probably adopt a child with a Latino background... living so close to Mexico. But, God had a different plan.

Here's the thing. I never had dreams of being pregnant and didn't want the pain. God had a better plan.

I never thought I'd have five kids. God had a better plan.

He had a plan that was specific for my life. From the moment my sons took their first breaths, they were my sons. Mine. They were not bastards or orphans or mistakes or any other words that might describe children born of irresponsible teenagers. And these 3 that we're adopting? It's weird because now, more than ever, I can't even see them as orphans. They are classified as orphans. They have a past... a major past, with lots of pain. In fact, Sunshine just told me the other day that "we've been through a lot and cannot tell you it all. It would take a long time to tell you about it." {she wrote. I translated.}

The truth is that they are orphans and we don't know what has happened in the past {nearly 13} years since Sunshine was born; but for some reason, it's sooooo hard for me to see my kids like that. They have fit perfectly into our family and I don't even acknowledge that they aren't "mine". Am I being naive? Am I in denial?

Other host moms are reading parenting books and adoption information about how to "deal" with all the things that come up, yet I can't see them as anything different from my two Texan sons. They don't even speak my language, but I don't see them as different.  There aren't any behavior issues that are different from my own kids. In fact, they behave better than my Texan boys. Don't get me wrong: they are definitely skinnier than my biological family seems to manufacture.

Sometimes I wish they didn't see the ugly sides of me as often. When I get so frustrated with my other sons that I growl, I forget my other two are watching me and that's no good. For some reason, they still want to be adopted, even with seeing all my ugly sides. 

I keep getting told that I should wait and the bottom will fall out. I don't believe that it will. These are my kids. I don't anticipate behavior more crazy than I would with my Texans. Perhaps I'm lacking in experience, judgment or wisdom. I don't know. Perhaps I might just be like my 10 year old son, and not able to see the differences... no matter how many the world may see. 

Today, I choose to think that.

For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him. Romans 10:12

Head Over Heels, Down for the Count, and Beyond-the-Point-of-No-Return LOVE

 

I have a good friend who is a novelist. 

Okay, she's not really a novelist. But, after reading her email to me, I kind of think she is.

I asked her to help me condense my current adoption story for a specific opportunity.  She told me that I should start out with something really catchy like, "It was a dark and stormy night...." She said I need to grab the attention of the reader.

She grabbed my attention.

It's not every day that a friend will take your story and write it out, in her words.

She has given me free reign to use these words as my words, wherever I'd like to use them. For now, I'd like them all to be written here. 

This is my story... written by my forever friend.

       I didn't want them to come.  Not really.  But not because of what you think.  I was afraid of the inevitable.  I knew in the depths of my innermost being that if they came, I'd fall in love.  Head over heels, down for the count, and beyond-the-point-of-no-return LOVE with these orphans.  And then my heart would break.  They'd have to go back.  The children we'd poured our love, our time, our family into - would have to fly back across that immense ocean to that foreign place they called home.  Latvia. And they would be taking with them pieces of my broken heart.  You see, my husband and I had already adopted twice domestically.  We have two gorgeous boys.  And my husband had made it clear that this "summer hosting program" was good, noble even, but it was temporary.  Five weeks and that's it. We'd show these kids a good time, then send them on their way.  Knowing my husband's wishes, I purposefully chose to host two siblings who were "un-adoptable."  It wouldn't do any good to host orphans who needed a permanent home.  I knew I had no choice but to keep this "short-term."  Still, I realized that once I had set my heart - then my eyes - on these precious children...I would fall in love and not ever want to let them go.  That's why I didn't want them to come.  I didn't want to go through the pain of losing them.  

      Ah, but I underestimated my amazing Lord.  He had something else in mind for my family.  

     When we picked up our orphans from the airport in Houston, a strange thing happened.  By the time we had them in our vehicle and their little voices were filling the silence with laughter, God had done a great work in my husband's heart.  Ray had fallen in love.  

     It was a roller coaster ride of emotions.  How could we possibly adopt these unadoptable children?  Well, God knew that in advance, and He has already taken care of that little hiccup.  Two children came to visit for the summer, but their little sister was still in Latvia.  How could we afford to adopt 3 children from across the globe?  Well, God continues to provide in that area.  How can we adopt children who don't speak a lick of English?  Well, I can learn Latvian.  And they can learn English.  God has answers to all of our questions.  And His Word calms our doubts, our anxieties, and our fears.  We were not expecting this in our lives.  But God has always known.  He's been preparing us for this very moment.  We're just normal people, and God is giving us an amazing opportunity.  

     Not everyone is called to adopt 3 Latvian orphans.  But I am learning that everyone can do something to help.  And I am having to learn that it is okay to ask for it!

Pray, give, whatever.  Yada yada.

That's my favorite part. "Pray, give, whatever. Yada yada." She might not like that I included that in this blog post but it DID make me smile the most and her name is not mentioned in this post. I'm even refraining from posting her picture here.  If you know her, she doesn't take those words lightly. Praying and giving are two qualities in which any person who knows her would describe her. She is always praying and always giving. 

Most of all, I love this truth: Head over heels, down for the count, and beyond-the-point-of-no-return love.
  
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Romans 4:18 

Christmas

Last year, my secret angel {or whatever they're called} at school gave me a Christmas CD. J loved it, so we listened to it a lot last year. He had a song on there that was his favorite. We listened to it dozens of times.

Last month, we started listening to it again. As I heard the hip hop sound of that particular TOBYMAC song, tears started running down my face. Last Christmas, I had no idea that I'd have two orphans spending this Christmas with me, much less that I'd be adopting three! Here are some lyrics:

Nine years old, but Jonnie was an old soul
Gonna spend his first Christmas in a real home

Father of the fatherless
Be with your sons and daughters this Christmas, this Christmas
(You ain’t livin’ ‘til you choose to give
Love and joy and peace to one of His)
Father let us not forget
The children who are all alone this Christmas, this Christmas

 

Religion that God our Father
Accepts as pure and faultless is this:
That we look after orphans and widows in their distress
Merry Christmas everyone

Our littlest bundle is still 6,000 miles away. We have never met her. We have Skyped once or twice, about 5 months ago. Words cannot express how badly we want to hug her and bring her to America! Since she's been in that home for 2-3 years and she's barely 4, she has probably never really experienced Christmas with a family.

As for our other two, this has been quite a joyous Christmas! Oh, how we wished they could have unwrapped the big news about the adoption! Unfortunately, we don't have travel dates yet. We are praying that we can tell them our travel dates while they are here.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress... James 1:27b