New Post. New Year. New Hope?

New Post. New Year.

With so much happening around this house lately, I could easily write a new post every few hours. Unfortunately, that would require necessary minutes to write.... I do hope to re-visit the fantastic memories and post them after the children leave in a week. {if I can gather strength from my sadness}

2016 Internet posts offer such encouragement and "you have 365 blank pages to create a masterpiece" messages. Looking at social media on January 1st makes the whole "the world is your oyster" cliche look like nothing compared to all the good that is wished and hoped upon others. I am glad that I do not suffer from depression, because social media sites {unknowingly or not} can be ridiculously "perfect" at times. Facebook walls are covered in  "look at my 2015" masterpieces of photos, sharing 896 likes, etc. Family and friend photos are all smiles, as they welcome in the new year.

Do I sound cynical? Perhaps. I prefer to call myself a realist... a realist waiting for another government to stinkin' invite us over there to get our kids. {insert pouty face emoticon, if I had one. But I don't. Which is good; because I know I'm sounding a tad too emotional.}

I know this process takes time, but when I was told that our attorney {over there} said that we will be traveling soon and even asked if we wanted to fly back on the plane with our kids next week, I was filled with hope. When I was told that our formal invitation to go get our three kids would be here "by the end of the month", December's end could not get here quickly enough!

And now we're in January.

And I've heard that courts don't even resume for another week.

And I'm waiting.

And I'm waiting with hundreds of photos from the past few weeks, beaming with smiles and happiness and great times. These are the photos I will be left with in a week, when my kids go back, without any news regarding when we'll be there to pick them up.

And I'm waiting with 2 kids who do not want to go back to their country.

And I'm waiting with these kids who don't speak good English... who don't really understand why we are making them go back if we plan to adopt them.

All I wanted was some dates to tell them, so we could all hope to see each other again. But, they will go back, without knowing when we will come. Communication is lacking with their caretakers, so we don't know what they will be told or won't be told, once we receive our invitation. {crack} {their poor, little hearts}

Here is my reality. A year ago, I was serving in orphanages in Guatemala and having one of the best experiences of my life. I started the year with incredible memories and HOPE. I had no idea that 2015 would end up being an emotional roller-coaster ride, falling in love with two orphans who are 6,000 miles away. 

I'm sure I wouldn't be writing this melancholy post if I had not been told the attorney's news about how quickly our travel dates are coming. It's the same reason I get frustrated when I'm watching cop shows on TV where the cops "promise" to find the family's kid, when you can't guarantee that.  Reality shows that you can't make that promise. 

As with me... I was told I'd be going over there soon. But we didn't receive our referral. So, what's wrong? Reality is that it's probably because it's the holidays. HOWEVER, when I asked the contact person how this was supposed to happen over the holidays, the attorney said that people are in the office during this time. 

Are you seeing my crazy brain? My thoughts stirring? 

I never knew I could have so many emotions inside me until I met those sweet orphans last June. I never knew I could have a cause to fight so passionately about or a life to desire so much. 

I know I should have hope. I know it. I have read scriptures. I have preached hope to others who are waiting. I have read all the New Year cliches blanketing my Facebook page. But, these kids are getting sad that it's their last week here. These precious children, who have been through soooooooo much in their young lives, do not want to go back. I just wanted something concrete to give them - A hope, in writing. "We are coming for you. You just have to wait a week, and we'll be there." I could only imagine what that would do for them. Instead, they might just be hearing another empty promise that someone has given them in their lives. 

[Ok. I took a pause because I was sounding so much like Eeyore that I had to stop and go to the Bible. This should be the part where I erase all these crazy emotions and just talk about the HOPE we have, through Jesus Christ. However, I've decided not to. I'm going to keep it all here so I can look back at this time... this reality.]
Thankfully, God led me straight to this scripture. I love Him. I love these words:

Isaiah 49:8-13
⁸ This is what the Lord says:

“In the time of my favor I will answer you,
    and in the day of salvation I will help you;
I will keep you and will make you
    to be a covenant for the people,
to restore the land
    and to reassign its desolate inheritances,
⁹ to say to the captives, ‘Come out,’
    and to those in darkness, ‘Be free!’

“They will feed beside the roads
    and find pasture on every barren hill.
¹⁰ They will neither hunger nor thirst,
    nor will the desert heat or the sun beat down on them.
He who has compassion on them will guide them
    and lead them beside springs of water.
¹¹ I will turn all my mountains into roads,
    and my highways will be raised up.
¹² See, they will come from afar—
    some from the north, some from the west,
    some from the region of Aswan.”

¹³ Shout for joy, you heavens;
    rejoice, you earth;
    burst into song, you mountains!
For the Lord comforts his people
    and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.