153 Million

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

Those words have penetrated my heart for years. At adoption and orphan conferences, this verse will always be found on shirts or buttons or bags. Who am I kidding? I have a couple orphan shirts that are a few years old. My shirts say that there are 147 million orphans in the world. With the purchase of a shirt, money went to those orphans. Did it help? I hope so. The latest number I saw was 153 million orphans in this world. These children either do not have living parents, have been taken away from their parents or discarded by their parents.

When I was young, my mother used to always say that I would save any animal in the world, if I could. We had a ridiculous amount of pets, including dogs, rabbits, hamsters, and snakes. You want to know how I got the pet cat that was in our family for 17 years? Trapped it on our front porch. That poor kitty didn't stand a chance. I wouldn't let him out of my arms. If I saw an animal, alone... on the street or in the woods... it was mine. My pond turtle, Greenlief, lived quite the life as my pet.

What does this crazy, want-to-save-them-all girl do with a number like 153 million? Cry.

Yesterday, I watched four beautiful adopted siblings perform sign language to a song called "No Longer Slaves".  I watched, as the tears rolled. Unlike my adopted children, these kids were not adopted from birth. These incredible kids, who have a piece of my heart, were chosen by a friend of mine. In just the 16 months I've known her, I've seen and heard her immense sacrifice for these kids. She would probably never put it that way. They are her kids. As moms, we all sacrifice for our kids. But, she went through so much to get these 4 children. She has fought for her family. She has walked through pain that my heart has not seen. 

I recently read two definitions for the word, "hero": champion and shining example. My friend is a hero to me. She heard the cry of the 153 million and did something about it... something big... something that only God could help her and her husband do. 

Here are some lyrics from that song:
From my mothers womb
You have chosen me
Love has called my name
I’ve been born again, into your family
Your blood flows through my veins

Today, I rejoice with my friend and her family.

Today, I hurt for the 153 million. 
{I wish it was as easy as trapping them all on my front porch and never letting them out of my arms.}

Nesting

I have entered the phase of "nesting". I have an overwhelming desire to completely rid my house of about 64% of all items. I have been researching capsule wardrobes and am ready to cut my laundry time down 75%. How did we get so much stuff? I feel like I'm drowning in stuff... mostly laundry. Have I mentioned my laundry? If I say laundry three times, will the 7 piles of clean laundry suddenly become folded and land in drawers? {I believe I saw the movie Bedknobs and Broomsticks too many time as a child.}

I am blowing up a Pinterest board with recipes from the region where our summer orphans currently live. I wish I could be as excited about cooking their region's food as I am about them coming! Who am I kidding? I just don't like to cook. Period.  

I am cleaning out areas that haven't even been opened in years. My cat was shocked to even know these cupboard doors could open. Would you like to know what we keep behind those sacred doors? Pet fish paraphernalia from at least 4 years ago. An ice cream maker, used once in 12 years. An ice bucket that came from who-knows-where. A fondue set that we received as a wedding gift 12 years ago. {guess how many times it's been used? I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with hero.} Can you see the dust and paw prints? Eek.

Along with all this nesting, I'm consumed with the overwhelming guilt of having too much.  I rang in the 2015 new year with that guilt, after realizing the orphanages I went to in Guatemala a few months ago were smaller than my house yet housed about 35 orphans. Since January, I have removed a huge amount of stuff from my house, praying about what God wants us to fill it with instead. Of course, if it was up to me, it would be about 7 orphans. It's not. It's up to God. My planning seems to stink. His planning is extraordinary. I'll take His, any day. While I'm waiting on His direction, I'll keep nesting.

Anyone want a fondue set? 

Whatever you do, work at it wholeheartedly as though you were doing it for the Lord and not merely for people.  Colossians 3:23

A New Kind of Journey

The main reason I started blogging again was because we have some exciting news for our family. I wanted to write out my thoughts, concerns and prayer requests regarding this news. I wanted to record our adventure for friends to read. We're a family still on a journey... but I did update my blog subtitle to include a little more than my son's APD journey. 

Jared and Pup - photo by Amy Gibbons Photography!

So, for those who followed this blog because you were primarily interested in all I had to write about Auditory Processing Disorder, I apologize. I'm certain that all of Jared's neurological differences will continue to be woven throughout the pages of our journey and this blog. There's not a day that goes by where his dominant right brain traits can cause sublime bursts of laughter, joy, sadness, or itchy frustration. I'll still litter this blog with the concerns of a mom with a "kid with an invisible disability". Only those who have children with complex neuro differences can understand how it is ALWAYS on the forefront in a mom's mind and a family's daily life. I hope you'll stick around... if you are still out there....

Our big news = We are hosting 2 orphans from 
an Eastern European country this summer! 

I have recently learned that the government of this particular country does not allow us to post names, pictures or the actual country name for the children we host. I will find out more about this in our 4 hour training this Saturday. We might be able to post certain things, but for now, all I am saying is that we are excited! I am looking forward to writing about this experience. We are so grateful for this opportunity! 

For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.  Deuteronomy 10:17-18

A Crazy Long Time

How long has it been? *Crazy Long*

I never thought life would slow down enough for me to ever write again. I'm surprised it has... or that I even wanted to write again.

So much has happened in the past few years with Jared. Did he ever learn to read? Yes. Did my tears ever stop flowing? The daily tears subsided. Joy submerged as I started to get to know my beautiful son for who he was and stopped hoping for him to be shoved, perfectly, into some kind of mold {that didn't work}.

Where are we now? We are surrounded... SURROUNDED by love and encouragement. He and I are at a new school and we have incredible friends. He is still with Dr. Champagne twice a week. I've been helping her with marketing and other things, because I feel so indebted to her. She is absolutely wonderful. I could probably write 50 blog entries on all the astounding things I have learned about her in the past few years.

My son still can't read verbal cues very well. That's the area where my frustration seems to linger. He doesn't understand when to stop talking, or to stop repeating things. Although it can be very annoying for many, I'm so thankful that God is so much bigger than his social/verbal cues. Even though I often want to run away when I hear my son repeat something, about 16 times, I continue to thank God for that. For with that deficit, comes a sweet innocence.

Just the other day, my son's heart could have shattered into a zillion tiny particles, but it didn't. We were eating lunch with his cousin, who is his age. This is my {biological} brother's daughter. He is my only brother. We are my parents' only children. Here is how that lunch conversation went:
Son: Mom, I want some more cousins. Can AJ be my cousin? [his friend at school] How come people have so many cousins and I don't?
Me: You have cousins. Your cousin is sitting right next to you.
Son: That's right. She's my cousin.
Cousin: Actually, you're only my half cousin
((((This is the part where the momma lion erupted from my inside before I could even formulate a thought))))
Me: What do you mean, he's your "half cousin"? He's your cousin. Is he half a person? [The emphasis on that last question... and the actual question, which was triggered by too many emotions, might not have needed to be said]
Cousin: He's my half cousin because he's adopted.
Me: He's your cousin. I am your dad's sister. He is my son. He is your cousin.
Cousin: Not by blood. We don't have the same blood, so is my half cousin.
((((At this point, I continue to watch my son to see what he is thinking. He seemed completely oblivious to this conversation, even though the three of us were at a small table and it was not a very busy restaurant. He was already discussing Minecraft or some other video game.))))
Me: {looking her square in the eyes} He is your cousin.

At that moment, I could not find words to express my gratitude for God's plan. He knew that Jared didn't need to "process" that conversation. My son has been on this "cousin kick" for the past two months... feeling left out at school because his good friends have siblings or "cousins" at the school. He doesn't. My roaring momma lion came out because he had been expressing that pain for a while. Even though my niece didn't realize the hurt that she caused in those words, I felt them. They stung. Everyone likes to be accepted and understood. Every adoptive mother wants their children to never feel like anything less than the incredible blessing they are! 

I thank God for my son's "deaf ear" that day. God knows that there will be other conversations in my son's future that may hurt to hear. I am so thankful for the sovereign God that we love!

 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/God,-Sovereignty-Of#sthash.9lq4GzH3.dpuf

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/God,-Sovereignty-Of#sthash.9lq4GzH3.dpuf

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/God,-Sovereignty-Of#sthash.9lq4GzH3.dpuf

The Stranger: "I Mean, Is He Going To Be Normal?"

The other day I took the boys to the dentist. It was the last appointment of the day, so the dental hygienists and staff were rushing the kids through their appointments. There were only 2 seats available and they were on opposite sides of the children's dental clinic. I had to chose which child I would be with, because they weren't near each other.

I chose to go with my 4 year old first. He's great at the dentist, but he's still "my baby", so I figured I'd go with him while Jared got some x-rays. When I went to check on Jared, I was told he didn't cooperate. She said that she'd tell him to do something to his left side or his right side and he wouldn't do it. She said he refused to follow direction in the x-ray room. I immediately felt horrible for choosing to go with my baby, as obviously, Jared needed help. Because of his many neurological differences, he has to be shown what to do... not just told directions. Depending on the day, he might not understand.

I explained to her about Jared's APD and dyslexia. After a little while, I went back to Zane. The lady who was cleaning his teeth overheard my conversation about Jared. She said, "Now, what are his issues?" I thought that sounded a little rude, but I gave her grace as she looked to be 9 months pregnant and it was the very end of a (what could have been) a long day. I told her about Jared's differences, including his lacking working memory. She said, "Oh, so he's like Dory in Finding Nemo?" I told her it wasn't that bad, but some things don't stay in his memory very long. I stayed positive as I explained.

Then... and this is where I found myself praying for that baby in her belly... she put one hand on Zane's tummy {shaking it a little} and said, "What about this one? Is he normal?" As I looked at her, without answering, she continued (perhaps thinking she was clarifying), "I mean, is he going to be normal?" She continued to touch Zane's belly as she said these words. Perhaps she was showing concern for my baby, however, stopping what she was doing and putting a hand on his stomach... so he could clearly listen to what she was saying... was making certain that Zane was involved in this conversation.  I was taken aback and didn't quite know how to answer this. Thoughts were filling my head. But, the first thing out of my mouth was, "They are not biological brothers." And her quick, interrupting reply was, "Oh, thank God!" with another belly rub.

Wow. Did that happen? Are those words forever ingrained in Zane so that he can shout them out at Jared the next time he's mad at him? Did I not give a proper reply so that she  would not say appalling things like that to other children? I figured if I said more, or showed my shock more vividly, Zane might NEVER forget that moment. I don't want a single memory of that in Zane's head.  I'd like to forget it ever happened. I might type that I wish Jared could not have all his hardships and he could have more "normal" in his life, but I don't say that out loud. Sure, I wish I could fix/heal my son. I pray for a miracle. Those are my inmost feelings. Jared already knows he's different. I don't need anything else to come out of any of our mouths that makes him feel even more different. I want both of my children to always feel accepted and loved, no matter how "normal" they feel or how to world sees them.

Both of my boys are the most wonderful, precious boys a mother could dream of having. They are hilarious, cute, smart, and tenderhearted. They are not connected by blood, but their hearts are connected... forming a bond that only brothers know. They are unique and fill my heart to an overflowing level. 

So, to you, Ms. Dental Hygienist, I know that if you experience 1/2 the joy that I have been blessed with, your heart will be full. I pray the child within you has a place where he/she feels like he/she can "fit in" and be accepted. As mothers, we know our babies want to feel loved and accepted. Isn't that the desire of all of us?

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

Cat Therapy

For years, our veterinarian has told us that we need an outdoor cat to keep all the critters away. We live outside of town and we have our share of snakes, rodents, scorpions, spiders, etc. I'm not a fan of cats, however, so it wasn't top priority. I'll take a dog... or two or three... but dealing with a litter box is not my idea of fun.

A few months ago, as my husband and I were chasing a big mouse (him with hoe, me with rake) under the deck in our backyard, I started to consider the idea again. I mean, it's only a matter of time until we find all these varmints inside our house, right?

When we visited my in-laws (a.k.a. "cat lovers") a few weeks ago, it was confirmed: a cat was in our future. Jared loved all the cats we were around (12 total). At his grandpa's house, he found a stray outside and stayed out there with her for hours. I'd find him sitting next to the cat, talking to her. It seemed so therapeutic for him. It was time. It was also nice that one of the cat lovers, my mother-in-law, gave us a ton of cat things, like a carrier, litter box, etc. All we needed was a cat.

It's like the whole word disappeared and it was just him and the cat.

He didn't even see me with the camera.

...and then there were his aunt's kittens oustide.

Grandpa also had a cat inside that Jared loved.

This is where, I believe, God gave us a gift. Not only did we find a great cat, he's almost like a dog. He has to be one of the best cats I've ever seen. He will let kids... ANY kid... carry him around like a sack of potatoes. He is content being around people all the time. He comes when he's called. He hasn't used his claws or teeth on any of these kids carrying him around, upside down, floppily. He can't even be in the same room with someone without purring. The best part is, he makes everyone feel like they are the most loved person on earth. That's why he's a hit with the kids. Usually pets run and hide from crazy kids. This little guy runs to any person, young or old, purring to be picked up. 

As for therapy... Jared will spend hours just loving on and talking with Smudge. He has a new best friend.

Our  "Smudge" kitty

A friend loves at all times.... Proverbs 17:17a (NIV)

The School Program

The meeting with the principal and his teacher went better than anticipated. I knew they would be kind and supportive; that wasn't the issue. I was just confused as to which form of therapy we should use this year. Dr. C? The school? Dr. C. AND the school? I feel as if the sands in the hourglass are pouring into the bottom quicker than we want. This year is critical. I want to utilize his time as effectively as we can. 

Another thing that was causing uneasiness for me was the words "Scottish Rite" in the document for the school intervention program. To be honest, I am not impressed with the Scottish Rite Learning Center. I have heard horror stories about the programs they map out for kids with learning disabilities. I know some parents who have spent lots of time and money and it actually ended up hurting the child in the end because their therapy practices weren't really what the child needed.

As with everything, I'm sure there are tons of great things about them. Unfortunately, I haven't heard those stories. I have only met one of the directors in the local office and I was definitely not impressed. When I tend to know more information about a specific neurological disability than an "expert" in the field, I don't necessarily think that person would be best helping us.

Back to the school meeting -- After I mentioned my concern about Scottish Rite, the principal agreed with me and told me that she wouldn't recommend a child go there either. That was a nice peaceful nugget of information. Also, she explained the processing aspect of this 2-4 year school intervention program. It's nice to hear that it's not just about phonics. I was just honest with her. I haven't seen enough success to know if it's worth it. Sure, it seemed to work last year, but due to his lack of memory, he lost it within a week. When you buy a car, you want to research. And, yes... as I've mentioned before... annual therapy costs are definitely like buying a new car.

So, here's our plan - he will be in the intervention program at the school Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons, while the other students do centers and reading groups. I believe that the school staff members love my child and want to help him. I really hope to see more successes this year. I was told there would be. I was hesitant to believe them (remember, sometimes I'm a little "glass half empty"). I asked them to prove me wrong. They said they would. This made me smile.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 (NIV)