The Stranger: "I Mean, Is He Going To Be Normal?"

The other day I took the boys to the dentist. It was the last appointment of the day, so the dental hygienists and staff were rushing the kids through their appointments. There were only 2 seats available and they were on opposite sides of the children's dental clinic. I had to chose which child I would be with, because they weren't near each other.

I chose to go with my 4 year old first. He's great at the dentist, but he's still "my baby", so I figured I'd go with him while Jared got some x-rays. When I went to check on Jared, I was told he didn't cooperate. She said that she'd tell him to do something to his left side or his right side and he wouldn't do it. She said he refused to follow direction in the x-ray room. I immediately felt horrible for choosing to go with my baby, as obviously, Jared needed help. Because of his many neurological differences, he has to be shown what to do... not just told directions. Depending on the day, he might not understand.

I explained to her about Jared's APD and dyslexia. After a little while, I went back to Zane. The lady who was cleaning his teeth overheard my conversation about Jared. She said, "Now, what are his issues?" I thought that sounded a little rude, but I gave her grace as she looked to be 9 months pregnant and it was the very end of a (what could have been) a long day. I told her about Jared's differences, including his lacking working memory. She said, "Oh, so he's like Dory in Finding Nemo?" I told her it wasn't that bad, but some things don't stay in his memory very long. I stayed positive as I explained.

Then... and this is where I found myself praying for that baby in her belly... she put one hand on Zane's tummy {shaking it a little} and said, "What about this one? Is he normal?" As I looked at her, without answering, she continued (perhaps thinking she was clarifying), "I mean, is he going to be normal?" She continued to touch Zane's belly as she said these words. Perhaps she was showing concern for my baby, however, stopping what she was doing and putting a hand on his stomach... so he could clearly listen to what she was saying... was making certain that Zane was involved in this conversation.  I was taken aback and didn't quite know how to answer this. Thoughts were filling my head. But, the first thing out of my mouth was, "They are not biological brothers." And her quick, interrupting reply was, "Oh, thank God!" with another belly rub.

Wow. Did that happen? Are those words forever ingrained in Zane so that he can shout them out at Jared the next time he's mad at him? Did I not give a proper reply so that she  would not say appalling things like that to other children? I figured if I said more, or showed my shock more vividly, Zane might NEVER forget that moment. I don't want a single memory of that in Zane's head.  I'd like to forget it ever happened. I might type that I wish Jared could not have all his hardships and he could have more "normal" in his life, but I don't say that out loud. Sure, I wish I could fix/heal my son. I pray for a miracle. Those are my inmost feelings. Jared already knows he's different. I don't need anything else to come out of any of our mouths that makes him feel even more different. I want both of my children to always feel accepted and loved, no matter how "normal" they feel or how to world sees them.

Both of my boys are the most wonderful, precious boys a mother could dream of having. They are hilarious, cute, smart, and tenderhearted. They are not connected by blood, but their hearts are connected... forming a bond that only brothers know. They are unique and fill my heart to an overflowing level. 

So, to you, Ms. Dental Hygienist, I know that if you experience 1/2 the joy that I have been blessed with, your heart will be full. I pray the child within you has a place where he/she feels like he/she can "fit in" and be accepted. As mothers, we know our babies want to feel loved and accepted. Isn't that the desire of all of us?

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)