Reality

There have been more sad days than good days.

There have been many uncertainties and disappointments.

Parenting challenges are not new to me, as you may know... if you've been reading this blog for the past 5 years. We have survived many neurological differences that still cause ongoing uncertainties and disappointments. 

However, I haven't quite experienced the type of pain that comes with this process. 

The other night I was in a group at my church, praying. I thought I was fine (on the outside), but when I opened my mouth, my voice was quivering. No matter how I try to hide it, the pain is there. I miss my kids. We're sad. My family is sad. We all miss Sunshine and Iceman. We long to meet little Lulu and be together, as a family. We wish time would speed up and we'd be in their country, seeing where they live, and bringing them back home.

I need strength. I need joy. It's silly to even state that, but it's true. I think of this kid's song, that I'll be leading in chapel this month. The words say:

I've got joy down in my heart, deep, deep down in my heart....
Jesus gives it to me and no one can destroy {stroy! stroy!}

I know that experiencing more joy will help me get through these days. I know that what I'm doing right now... thinking too much, getting sad, eating peanut butter, with watery eyes... isn't going to bring them home any faster. 

I also know I'd feel much better if we had more open communication with them. Something has happened (unrelated to us) that makes it difficult to communicate with them. We pray they know that we have nothing to do with this and that they are confident that we still love and want them. We still write them at least one letter a week and pray they receive them.

I need strength to keep plowing through this process, without so much sadness. I need to remember why we are doing this. Most of all, I need to remember all the promises from God, regarding perseverance. 
 
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12