Turning the Calendar Page

Sometimes turning the calendar to a new year means just that... simply turning the page. There are no huge revelations. Balloons don't shower down from the sky. The 20 pounds don't fall off you. Your brain doesn't switch to a gear and decide that at 12 midnight, you will suddenly not have any more unfolded laundry in baskets or dirty toilets  and every morning you'll wake up at 5am to get that hour workout in before the kids wake up. Of course, I wish that last year, when I turned the calendar page, wonderful things like that fell into place. They didn't. I had some intentions, but what I hadn't intended was 2011 being one of the worst years I can remember.

While I'd love to say all the good things that happened in 2011, I guess the old adage is true that when there are 10 good things and 1 really bad thing, you remember the bad. 2011 suffocated me with bad news, bad feelings, bad days, and bad decisions. And, even though my mind is thinking that tomorrow will just be another day, my heart is hoping for something more than a calendar page. 

Don't just wish. Make it happen.

Don't make excuses. Make it happen.

The only race you have to win is the race against yourself.

Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes.

We've all heard quotes like these. How can you not love Yoda's famous quote, "Try not.  Do or do not.  There is no try."? But, for some of us, there comes a time when trying and trying to make something happen leads to so much frustration that you take off your "work clothes", crawl into bed, pull the covers up over your head and the dreams and wishes stay dreams and wishes.

Last summer I believed that Jared would read with the phonics program that was recommended. I worked with him constantly and believed and thought that I could "will" it to happen. It definitely didn't happen. It was a long, tough journey of "not-happeningness". And when you're on that daily journey, it's not even about "he can't read" anymore. It turns into "he'll never read. He'll get kicked out of school. He'll never have friends. He'll cry himself to sleep every night. He'll hate life." Okay, well it doesn't always turn into that. It definitely does when I'm feeling sleep deprived and the stresses of life cloud my mind. I guess that's what the quote is talking about with the "race against yourself". Even though some wonderful things happened this year and I have some phenomenal friends, it's very easy to let the bad things seep through the windows and walls of life and turn a year into something you'd love to forget. The world can be a dark, desolate place... for folks with neurological disabilities and those without.

I hope that 2012 is a better year for our family. I hope that I can learn to talk about the really yucky things instead of have two of the worst holidays I can remember and then write a dark blog entry at the end of the year.

This is what the Lord says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:16, 18-19 (NIV)