Hopel(a)ssn(e)ss

Today was one of those days that felt hopeless. In fact, if you can't hear the {shatter} of my heart for my child right now, then I'm clearly being too positive with this post.

You know how I said that teaching my dyslexic child to read was one of the hardest things I've ever done? I need to broaden that statement to say, "Teaching my APD child to read is one of the hardest things I've ever done." We added a new vowel to the mix and he can't seem to hear the difference between "e" and "a". No matter what I do, he can't tell the difference. If you ask him if "red" has an "a" or "e" sound, he'll just sound it out to the opposite one. For example, he'll say, "red - rrrr eh aaaah d. ah. it's an a".  I don't speak with an accent. He'll even change "egg" to start with an "a", even though he says "eh eh egg" constantly.

I know I wrote a blog post about this in February, but I truly thought he was taking great strides with his reading. This past week, he had been doing well. He still has his p,q,d,b issues, but he was even getting better with those. This vowel confusion, as well as the fact that he can't memorize his common words like "and" and "the" makes it seem like he'll never learn to read books. Today, he kept hitting his brain and saying it's not working. He said his brain doesn't like him and it won't do what he wants it to do. How does he even know to say those things?

I have been patient with him with homeschooling. I don't feel I need prayers for patience... it's more than that. I need prayer for my hopelessness. I feel crushed. I feel defeated. I feel like the idea of my child feeling somewhat "normal" is beyond reality. After we finished school work today, I prayed and cried. If he can't learn this before school starts next month, I don't know what we'll do.

The Lord is near to those who are discouraged; he saves those who have lost all hope. Psalm 34:18 (GNT)