As the Stomach Churns

My friend's daughter planned to attend a local Vacation Bible School (VBS) and wanted Jared to go with her. In the past, I would not have even hesitated with the invitation. He's been in VBS every summer. Now that I know he has APD, things are different.

My stomach hasn't stopped churning since I dropped him off 2 hours ago. I don't necessarily know what my fears are. This is a new church and we have never been to it before. When I registered him, I included under his "medical issues" that he had APD. I wrote a little explanation on it. I figured that most people wouldn't even realize he had it, but he may need certain things repeated. The form stated to list your child's friend, so they can be together. We included that information.  When I arrived this morning, they had Jared in another group. Apparently there was a mix up. Perhaps his "APD" may have confused someone and they accidentally put him in the 3-4 year old group. Instead of reading too much into it, I asked his friend's group leader and she said that he should be in his friend's group. They were even confused with his name tag and where he should be. When I left him there, he was sitting in the group with his friend, listening attentively... almost quietly overwhelmed by the hundreds of other children sitting around him.

Now that I know my child is technically "disabled", my whole outlook on everything has changed. Were there too many children there? Will he be able to understand what's going on? Will he make any friends? What have I done? Why did I leave him there, in a room with hundreds of children that he's never seen before in his life?

For the first 5 years of his life, he was watched or taught by lots of strangers. I was a single parent most of that time, so I needed all the help I could get. If any kids ignored him or were ugly to him, I just told him to stop annoying them or go play with someone else (the "suck it up" or "let it go" mentality). This past year, however, I'm petrified to hand him over to anyone who doesn't know the ins and outs of his disability. I'm worried people will be impatient and mean with him. I've NEVER been that kind of mom, so this is all new to me. How do I balance wanting to protect him and letting him live a fulfilling life, despite his disability? I've seen the videos of older kids who have APD and they aren't good. Kids are cruel and these APD children seem dark and isolated. I couldn't imagine my happy, healthy child being that depressed because his brain doesn't work like most children. On the other hand, I also have heard you're never supposed to treat your child like he has a disability.

How do I get my heart to stop aching and my stomach to stop churning?

You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you. Isaiah 26:3