Growing Pains

The good news: it's been a good few weeks for Jared. The bad news: it hasn't been for me.

Starting a new business has been hard. My husband told me how quickly I would be swamped with customers, but I truly had no idea. I've had to turn many orders away, and yet I'm still having some days where there are 15 technical cakes or cookie bouquets due. Not in one week. In one day! I'm up no later than 5am and my head doesn't hit the pillow until around 1am. Sleep is restless as my mind never stops. 

I had thought I was getting into the swing of things... that is, until my computer crashed. This was the side of the business I hadn't been diligent with, as I had been with all my customer orders. I hadn't backed up my previous 5 days of things. My business files were out there on a server somewhere, but I didn't have a computer to access them. There were important files and information I needed. I couldn't print out the edible images needed for my orders. I couldn't remember which customers' checks I had deposited. It was horrible. I had thankfully scribbled on an envelope the 8 important orders I had due over the next 2 days, or I really would have been up a creek.  

My husband has let me borrow his computer until I figure out how to fix everything. His laptop doesn't like me. It could be because I immediately downloaded all my printer drivers and business software on it and it feels a little overweight. I don't know. The only thing I know is that this has made me feel like a failure.

If something like this would have happened to a friend or family member, I'd ask how I could help and be positive and say things like, "We'll get through this" and "You can do this" and "It's just business growing pains". But I don't say things like this to myself. I've succeeded at all business oriented things in my life. I've thrived in every job I've ever had. But now? I've never had so many days of feeling like I can't do this or I'm a big, fat failure. I know my product is good, but how do I wrap myself around the behind the scenes management?  These customers don't want a call from me asking when and where and to whom do I deliver their wedding cake after I've already had two meetings with them confirming everything. It never occurred to me to have a computer back up plan because from day one, I was up and running and had 65 orders come in my very first day in business.

So, this morning... at 2:30am... I was philosophically thinking about why this was happening. This last week has had too many puffy eyed mornings, filled with hope that my computer would magically be healed, but inevitably the morning would be filled with silent tears as I try to figure out the next step. While wondering this, I thought of  Jared. According to research, he's going to feel this way in many areas of his life. He's probably not going to have 20 years of business success, as I have, before his first hiccup. Jobs are most likely going to be tough for him. He can't give up (like I want to!). I will encourage him. I know how successful he can be, no matter what the world or research says. I just need to keep telling myself this, also. I started this business because we need the money for his therapy. I can't give up, no matter how bad I feel, because his neurological therapy is critical. I just have to get in the right mindset. I feel like my 2:30am wake up call was what I needed to do so.

Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13 (NLT)