Calming My Inside

Every day, my insides are a mess. I couldn't imagine how a parent who doesn't constantly wonder how her child is doing at school feels inside. I  dream of that peace. I can't seem to let my anxiety go. I'm waiting for some horrible wall to crumble or ax to fall or something. Sometimes my angst is a little debilitating. I look at his schedule to see where he would be at that time. I sit on the floor. I pray. I get a little emotional, as I don't have control over any of this and I just want him to be okay. I just want him to feel normal. I just want him to want to be at school... at least most of the time.  

I can't stand feeling this way. I can't stand that I'm holding on to something, instead of letting it go, knowing God is in control of this. Jared is doing well at school. In fact, I'm almost shocked at how well he's doing. His teacher wrote me an email that said, "He has been doing very well with first time obedience, just a reminder is all that he needs most of the time, then he looks at me to listen. I would ask that you remind him to be quieter at rest time so he can relax and get refreshed for the rest of the day."

I never dreamed I'd have a child with so many challenges. I still don't know how this is all supposed to work out with him in such an advanced academic school. Every day I cover him in prayer and hope that he has an okay day.  Since I haven't been home schooling him the past few weeks, his APD tendencies seem to really shine, including repeating questions over and over. He also seems more insecure, because we're not working one on one with phonics drills. I guess I just really don't know how to help him now that he's in school full time. I want to make sure I'm doing everything I can, as these years of his life are so critical.

So those who rely on faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith. Galatians 3:9 (NIV)